integrating personality

welcome back to our personality section. in this program, following on from the understanding your Enneagram type, we will look at the natural growth patterns observable in the Enneagram. the Enneagram is unique in this way, as it provides a view of personality development which is organic or evolving. it not only recognizes horizontal differences (i.e., the different types), but also vertical differences (i.e., different levels of maturity). every type, in its most immature form, is a very traumatized human being. and every type, in its mature form, is a very whole human being.

we saw that personality is the lens through which we interpret our experience of reality. when we’re also aware that this lens is restrictive (type specific), we understand that maturing in our personality happens through integrating more of the other type-qualities. this means less identification with my habitual interpretation, and a greater openness to the experience and strategies of other types, including their strengths and weaknesses. this psychological process is called integration.

tritype or archetype (example 2-7-8)

let’s first remind ourselves of the three centers of intelligence. in our first program, we called it a trimergence of intelligence. all three intelligences arise within awareness, all the time. yet one or two may be stronger and therefore more influential in the overall pattern of intelligence. we know this combined intelligence as our tritype. if i’m a 278, or the Free Spirit archetype, my main type is two, which is also how my emotional intelligence presents. my intellectual intelligence presents with qualities of the type seven, and my body intelligence presents as the type eight. the strongest one of the three is the main type. in the archetype, it is the leading type. the diagram indicates how we ascertain our archetype.

the good and the bad

every intelligence bestows many gifts, and simultaneously a possible imbalance. the intelligence itself is our most foundational lens. when my thinking intelligence dominates, it is the where the psyche overcompensates. for thinking types, this overcompensation happens because they have lost connection with their inner knowledge and guidance, and now rely only on mental fabrications and interpretations. in the feeling intelligence, when there is overcompensation, the type has lost connection with its own inner sense of identity, and emotions become imbalanced and over-felt. for the body intelligence, the loss is connection with inner autonomy, and the overcompensation happens in overdoing, or underdoing. the three triads are important when we want to work with our growth, as they provide us with insight into our chief imbalances in each of the centers of intelligence.

overcompensation

when you now read through the text in the table below, allow yourself to become reflective. first look at your main type. if you think about your general behavior at home and work, where do you see yourself? and what about when you’re in a stressful situation? what are the kinds of situation which would allow you to show your productive side? make some notes for yourself.

now, if you want, repeat the procedure with your tritype. if, for example, you are a 368 tritype, you will start with type three, and then also look at types six and eight. you will recognize some of your most extreme patterns- both healthy and unhealthy- in all three types.

growth, or integration of personality

fortunately, none of us is a “pure” type, which would make for a very unrounded person (someone who can see reality only from only one perspective). the two numbers adjacent to our type are our wings, which help to expand the personality. and the arrowed lines are called integration lines. for each type, one arrow leads to the stress point, and the other to the release point.

this five-point model, including our type, its wings, and its integration lines, provides a pattern for self-development. through understanding these dynamics in our personality, we are able not only to expand the personality, but also integrate views and qualities which belong to very different personalities.

wings

let’s use type three as an example. the “pure” type three, without influence from any other type, would have a very narrow world view and limited capacity. they would have an insatiable need for admiration and respect and would be dangerously reactive when experiencing failure. fortunately, no one is like that, because everyone has all nine lines active in their psyche.

from a psychological perspective, integration means that i adapt to life gradually, by containing my instinctive needs and integrating all the split off aspects (qualities from other types) of my type. these split off aspects are all the things that i would not naturally pay attention to because of my personality. in terms of character and motivation, the types closest to me would be the easiest to integrate.

for example, if i’m a type three, i already know the feeling world of others (like the type two and the type four), but i’m insensitive to my own, because it gets in the way of my plans and outcomes. i may also use others’ feelings to jump into my ambitious plans, making it all about me. by integrating the qualities of type two, i become more aware of the needs of others, as well as my own. and i can see others’ needs not only as outcomes that need fulfilment, but also from a perspective of care. my competitiveness and ambition can tune down a bit, due to my recognizing these feelings.

my other wing is the four. type fours tend not to be business and outcome oriented, but more interested in meaning, poetry, and beauty. in my immature state i may find those qualities useless, since they do not provide direct outcomes, and dwell too much on emotion. when i’m more mature and this wing is more integrated, i may recognize how i can use the creative capacity to enhance my business. or how, with the type four’s creativity (cultivated in me), i can build a beautiful website. i will always be a type three, but now a much more integrated or mature person.

the names given to the wing types differ from system to system. what is more important is to understand the integration process, and to learn to express and act from a broadened skill set.

integration lines

so, what are all those lines inside the circle? there are always two lines connecting the type to two more types, further away from the main type. we said that the wings are relatively easy for the type to integrate. the integration lines, however, lead to types very unrelated to our character, making their integration more difficult, though equally necessary. we can become aware of this integration or disintegration by simply paying attention to the state of our mind. when the type is relaxed, it will naturally display the mature qualities of its release point. type four finds release in the structured and disciplined way of the type one. without this structure, the type four easily disintegrates into its stress point, acting like the immature type two and becoming needy, overemotional, and resentful.

as we can see in the diagram, the pattern is type dependent. the type one releases in type seven, which releases in type five, which releases in type eight, and so forth. the stress pattern is the exact opposite. type one disintegrates in type four, which disintegrates in type two, etc.

what would i notice?

you can probably see how to use this information about yourself in working with self-regulation of emotion. in order to bring more mental calm into my life, i can focus on the qualities and behaviors of my release point type. and when i recognize the (immature) behavior of my stress point type, i know it is time to pay deep attention. the deepest integration happens when the (mature) stress point itself becomes integrated. when this happens, i may still feel the old feelings in a stressful situation, but i can keep the mind stable in its most difficult experiences.

the stress and release points, like the two wings, are ways to work with and grow our personality. integrating the wings and stress/release points brings the personality to greater maturity.

integration, or psychological maturing, is a conscious choice, and a deliberate action on the part of the individual. knowing myself or my type helps me to discern where my weaknesses and blind spots are. this helps me to take on tasks which will allow for each of the integration points to start developing. and then i need to sustain this effort. this will lead to a relaxation of my defensiveness and a maturing that reaches beyond my own restricted personality. it does not mean mimicking the behavior of other types, but instead requires really taking on the perspectives of these types and integrating them into my own view.

general principles of maturing

we’ve now covered the growth or integration process in the Enneagram, and in our next program (awareness of personality), we’ll look more deeply into the process for each type. for the moment, let’s give some attention to general principles of maturing. in other words, the states of mind or attitudes that we can keep in mind in our general daily activities.

• a love of truth
• willingness to be open (influenced)
• learning from experience (deliberate)
• cultivating a real love for self
• actual practice(s).

a love of truth

there is a saying which goes: “nobody is as deaf as the one who does not want to hear.” it is very true. psychological integration, or growth, means that i become curious about myself: about my personality, and how it blinds me, or what it fails to pay attention to. it also requires not judging myself, as this would cause me to be too scared to see or hear more deeply. self-awareness means uncovering all our habits and questioning them. does this or that really serve me? is it really what i want? does it cause problems? do i care about those problems? how do others see me? how honest am i with myself? and others? what are my blind spots? etc. we also have to work on strengthening our mindfulness. without mindfulness, this kind of work is impossible.

• a curious, non-habitual, seeing deeper into self and situations.
  

  "i am really angry at my father," may be
  "i really love him, and desperately want his love"
  (i cannot yet access my true feelings)
  
  or
  
  "you are so and so," may be "i cannot handle what you
  display in myself, and therefore i attack it in you"
  (i do not yet understand mental processess, or my psychology).

• as we learn what is real in the present moment, we are more able to accept whatever arises, because we know that whatever may arise is not all of us — we know our other sides too.
• when we are willing to be with the whole truth, we're building stronger resources in being able to manaige it (self-regulation).

willing to be open, or influenced

most of the time, we’re not even aware of how we judge our daily situations. every time you’re angry, sad, longing, irritated (and there are many more forms), you may realize that you are resisting reality. it is helpful not to judge the experience itself, and be mindfully aware of when you do so. personality is an adaptation which we acquired in order to navigate the complexity of life. when we’re not aware of the unconscious or shadow side of our personality, there is much that we don’t notice. to uncover this shadow, we need a quiet and focused attention, and an expanded awareness (see mindfulness — the what, why, and how). by opening up to reality, rather than living in our purely mental reality, we can also soothe the body and mind. this is where our expanded awareness is most necessary, as well as our willingness to witness our judgments of what is “good,” and what is “bad.” when we notice that we’re resisting reality, we can become curious about it. how does this resistance work?

• personality primarily defends us from an overwhelming world by selecting information which we regard as important and disregarding the rest.
• by relaxing our bodies, quieting the chatter in our minds, and allowing the heart to be more available to the situation, we open up to the qualities that allow us to grow and expand beyond the boundaries of our personalities.
• many movements of our day can be nourishing, grounding, and full of goodness, when we allow ourselves to be present to them, and notice them.

learning from everything

one way of recognising that our minds are becoming stronger and more mature is that every event in our day becomes another place of learning; another place where attention has never been, and where it can be right now. then our difficulties begin to feel like friends — not easy friends, but still friends. every moment’s reaction or response is saying much more about me than my words. can i be there, to notice and learn? everything that i engage with in an open and curious way is a means to gaining more insight and becoming more skilful. you can now see more clearly why we said that mindfulness is not the five-minute kind of practice.

• whatever is occurring in the present moment is exactly what we need to deal with.
• whatever is arising in our minds and hearts is information we can use to better understand ourselves and others.
• every moment (especially the difficult ones) allows the possibility of approaching something anew, and learning from the experience.

cultivating a real love of self

real love does not mean cherishing or spoiling ourselves, but rather looking after ourselves. not for any other reason than recognising our own humanity. we are aware, and look after ourselves with deep caring, like we would a child. we know ourselves and are willing to work with that self. we live in our bodies rather than in our minds. we notice our impact on others and the environment, and make changes where necessary, whilst also learning to mitigate the impact on us. and most importantly, we do not resist experience. when we hear ourselves whining, we have to help our inner child. it is unhappy about something, and using our mouths and bodies to make sure everyone knows this. the only one that can really care for it though, is you. you are also the only one who is really responsible for it.

• we do not need good self-esteem or worthiness to love ourselves more deeply.
• true love of self simply means not running away from our experience, but rather using it to learn to hold ourselves.
• not being present to my experience means abandoning myself, and this will be projected onto others.
• being caught up in anxiety, fantasy, and rumination means that we become dissociated from our bodies and feelings, living a purely mental or conceptual life.
• true love of self means profoundly accepting ourselves without trying to change our experience.

practice

if you cannot reveal or explain the practices of your growth path, you are not growing. if you cannot see what is happening in the moments of getting triggered, you also cannot work with it. it takes much practice to build these skills, and underlying it would be a healthy reflective practice, where you record what you’re working with, and record your findings. a practice where you problem solve, and make incremental steps in expanding your awareness. and if you believe that, just because you’ve read these things, they resonated with you, and you meditated upon them, they are now embodied… the reality is that growth is not that simple. it is an effortful, incremental, and often painful process, and we cannot skip any steps.

• growth depends on relating to situations in a way that is different from our habitual reactions/response.
  (if i usually get mad, i am now just clear, etc.)
• ... and being aware of such.
  (it is deliberate, and you're curious about the outcome.)
• for this we need practices based on:
  • mindfulness and skill building
  • daily reflection (journaling)
  • daily stillness (meditation or contemplative prayer).

the true practitioner knows that practice means noticing the feeling of your trigger, watching the expected thoughts unfolding, and nonetheless staying present enough to see oneself and the situation with bare attention. only then can we learn to change our step. this is not learned in one weekend. it may only be realized after 10 000 deliberate iterations, much like a brilliant pianist, who becomes a master through practice. we have to consciously choose to do the practice, again and again, until we have fully untangled our habituated patterns.

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