the difficulties and their remedies

"the protected heart that is never exposed to loss.."

the protected heart that is never exposed to loss, innocent and secure, cannot know tenderness; only the won-back heart can ever be satisfied: free through all it has given, to rejoice in its mastery.​​​

Rilke​

when we’re immature we believe that pain, fear, and hardship are parts of a failed life. but when we reflect on this, it becomes clear that pain, fear, and hardship are simply part of life — the very life we have, and the very life everyone else has. in times of pain, fear, and hardship, it is a blessing to have the muscle not only to withstand, but even to flourish — overcoming our own interpretation of reality (right or wrong), and simply facing reality. life on her terms.

a life with no stress seems like a blessing, but the shadow of that kind of life is stagnation, or lack of growth. there is nothing to adapt to. the life that matures has struggled, and lost, many times. it is inevitably part of maturing. nature shows it everywhere. therefore, it is not personal. we all suffer, but our resistance to suffering is optional. when we don’t resist, suffering simply becomes experience — neither good, nor bad, but rich. when we don’t say “no” to this moment, it gives itself fully to us, and we can pick what we want to use in building the next moment.

"most people are forgetful..."

most people are forgetful; they are not really there a lot of the time. their mind is caught…mindfulness is when you are truly there, mind and body together….established in the present moment….you can recognize the many conditions of happiness that are in you and around you, and happiness just comes naturally.​

Thich Nhat Hahn​

being available to life is the gift of mindfulness. if we want to increase the strength or scope of our mindfulness, we’ll need a daily sitting practice, in a place where we are undisturbed (no screens), and where we can sit quietly and attentively. the length of time is not important. the important thing is the intention to use the time for mindfulness practice. if you need reminders, like your journal, that is fine. nothing else is needed, not even note-taking. your intent is to be mindful, and to lengthen the time you can stay mindful.

sit quietly and attentively, away from devices and screens. if you have access to a garden or an outside space, great, but you can practice anywhere, even while standing in a queue. you can close your eyes, or keep them open but relaxed, with the gaze downwards.

"breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness..."

breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness, which unites your body to your thoughts. whenever your mind becomes scattered, use your breath as the means to take hold of your mind again.

Thich Nhat Hahn​

reflection

take a moment to come to yourself. how do you feel? what is the specific emotion? what state is your mind in? what is your intention for this practice?

use some of the questions to guide you

look into how you’ve been functioning recently. what has the general state of mind been? distracted? busy? focused? relaxed? irritated? bleak? stay with the emotion or feeling for a moment, just being curious about its nature and its functioning. watch for the mind that becomes judgmental of your experience, and relax more deeply into your breathing sensations.

what is the story you tell yourself about your “stuckness”, or reactiveness? are you holding on too tightly for a specific outcome? are you comparing, or measuring yourself against another, or an ideal? are you focusing on what is right? or wrong?

bring your awareness to your body. notice the quiet cycle of breathing and its sensations. what do you notice in different parts of your body? stress? relaxation? dullness? pain? breathe into the sensation you’re noticing and see whether it relaxes. if not, totally fine. we can relax with it being there.

what do you need to do, or let go of, to bring deeper quiet to your mind and breathing? what do you feel towards “you”? can you feel love, or warmth for this being? can you see the road they’ve travelled, and feel compassion? can you be at peace with yourself and with experience, right now?

"during the time you are practicing mindfulness..."

during the time you are practicing mindfulness, you stop talking — not only the talking outside, but the talking inside. the talking inside is the thinking, the mental discourse that goes on and on and on inside…this is not the kind of silence that oppresses us. it is a very elegant kind of silence, a very powerful kind of silence. it is the silence that heals and nourishes us.​

Thich Nhat Hahn​

can you let the reflection go, and simply be with experience, as it is? can you maintain the focus on the object and at the same time be available to your experience?

what breaks the connection with mindfulness?

what helps to re-establish it?

five hindrances

in the beginning, mindfulness can be really difficult. we’re so used to not paying attention that paying attention does not come easily. to make things harder, our screen addiction makes it possible to connect everywhere anytime. it has just become so much harder to be with experience, and so much easier to avoid it. and yet, when we truly start practicing, the results quickly become evident. it becomes easier to let go of the immediate “fix” and stay present for this moment of life. when we begin to be able to stay present in more difficult moments, our practice becomes a habit.

in the original teachings of Buddhism, the difficulties of being mindful are known as the five hindrances. from the Buddhist perspective, they are unwholesome states of mind, not based on the eight factors of conscious living. we will look more deeply into those in the meditation section. these — unhealthy for mindfulness — states, are sensory desire, ill-will, torpor, restlessness/worry, and doubt.

of course, there is nothing wrong with sensory desire when in the appropriate circumstance (it would then enhance consciousness). but it is obvious how this state can destroy mindfulness when the other is not present. the mind is fantasizing and absorbed in its fantasy. it is hardly aware of its circumstance, or the fact that it is lost in fantasy.

the same goes for ill-will. i may be sitting, “doing mindfulness practice,” but in fact i’m plotting my revenge, or lost in my worry. the restless mind, or monkey mind, is one of the most profound difficulties. it is such an entrenched habit. we can suffer it in the form of mind skipping from one thought to another, or in the form of criticizing self. torpor is simply not being present at all. there is no capacity for mindfulness, as the mind is too sunken in its own withdrawal. finally, doubt is about giving up on ourselves, or on the practice, because it does not bring us immediate relief, pleasure, or the realization of our idealized view. we stop trying, preferring to find an argument against it, or another project or method. we withdraw our curiosity and openness, lose our focus, and the practice is destroyed. sadly, this approach won’t enrich your life.

seven factors of awakening (presence)

so, what are the remedies for these difficulties? classical literature calls them the seven factors of awakening, or seven factors of being present. they are:

• mindfulness: being (one) with arising experience in a non-judgmental way
• curiosity: increased attentiveness, spontaneous learning
• energy: when you pay attention to attention itself, you will notice that it is an energy. the same energy which we may feel in kundalini yoga or endurance sport (a moment of intensified experience).
• joy: the state of mindfulness is free of wanting. therefore, we experience it as joy, or even rapture.
• focus: deliberate attending
• equanimity: letting be, allowing, or being with, and later being one with
• tranquility: relaxation and being.

you may remember the image from the sustaining attention program. we said that one of the ways to veer away from torpor is to increase the attention on the field of awareness. and one way to work with thinking or a restless mind, is to deepen into the connection (oneness) with the focal point or object (our breathing sensations). you can now see more possibilities in working with yourself and your practice. focus and equanimity benefit thinking and reaction. curiosity and energy awareness benefit torpor. joy and tranquility maintain mindfulness.

Five Ways — Shinzen Young​

Shinzen Young, a current mindfulness and meditation teacher, has integrated the practices from different meditation traditions within Buddhism into what he calls The Five Ways — A Contemporary Toolkit for Classical Enlightenment. each is a technique and a practice in itself.

the first three ways all make use of noting, and sometimes labeling. Shinzen writes that labeling supports noting and noting supports mindfulness. he describes the action of noting/labeling, as follows:

1. you clearly acknowledge the presence of the sensory event.
2. you focus intently on that sensory event. not thinking but observing.

if you want, or need (to stay present), you may give a simple label to your experience. e.g., “thought,” “emotion,” “planning,” “not attending,” etc. stay focused on the event.

when you focus in, the emphasis is on the interior experiences: somatic experience, visual imagery, and auditory inner talk. we’re looking more deeply at the experiencer — the i who experiences itself as controller (actor), the i who is the observer (thinker), and the i who is the experiencer (feeler). breaking the content down in this way leads naturally to greater clarity, which, when it matures, becomes the knowing aspect of being-knowing. this is a form of bare attention, stemming directly from the Satipattana sutra.

focus out stems mainly from the Zen tradition, which took practice (zazen) into daily activities. in order to mindfully anchor whilst focusing on activity, the practitioner focuses on external sound, sight, and touch. we’re therefore looking more into the external senses (experience). in its mature form, this practice will contribute to the being aspect of being-knowing — the state of meditation in action.

focus on rest has its roots in many of the tranquillizing practices from different contemplative traditions. for example, in the Christian Contemplative tradition it would be recognized as the Prayer of Quiet. in early Buddhism, the practice derives from the jhanas or absorptions. working with increasing quietude, without dropping into sleep, is very restorative and healing. these practices, therefore, are powerful tools for healing trauma.

focus on change stems from traditional Buddhist practices around transience, or impermanence. the key here is to focus on the beginning, middle, and end of experiences. essentially, we are watching the energy and self-emptying of experience becoming reality. when this practice matures, it enables us to grasp the Source of this energy, which is emptiness. in the Christian Contemplative tradition, it would be kenosis. this kind of practice can reveal deep insight into the workings of reality and mind.

focus on positive stems mainly from the loving-kindness or maitri practices in Buddhism. here we generate positive energy through focusing on love, compassion, joy, or equanimity. this energy is then gradually shared with more beings and greater circles of inclusion. the love or peace which is felt becomes shared. in its mature form, this would be love. not the love with which i want or idealize, but the love who i am.

"what does it feel like when..."

what does it feel like when you don’t want to be where you are?​

Eckhart Tolle

let’s remind ourselves about the continual deepening (strengthening) and expanding (greater inclusion) nature of mindfulness. we first become aware of the state when we know-feel our capacity to be aware of the workings inside awareness (witnessing). in paying attention, we notice the immediacy of the five senses and their field of awareness. we can also become aware how this field of awareness extends far beyond the boundary of the physical body. as awareness deepens and settles, we become aware of the breathing of this body. with attention, we notice how the soothing presence of the breathing cycle slows down thought, and calms mind. we’re also aware of the outline of the body boundary and sensing. awareness can expand even more, exploring our own interior experience of thought-feeling processes. and finally, it can move beyond self into the interconnectedness of self, other, and world.

mindfulness in a reactive situation

our long-term goal is to be able to take mindfulness into situations where we may be triggered easily. the typical overwhelm we feel when triggered makes it difficult to maintain any sense of presence. we become identified with our truth, defensive, and reactive. the RAIN practice, initially developed by Michelle McDonald, is a powerful way of training us to maintain awareness of surroundings, thoughts, and feelings when we feel triggered.

the name of the practice is an easy-to-remember acronym which helps us to recognize, accept, investigate, and not identify, during a difficult experience. of course, we go there step by step. we will fall off the horse many times, and our task is to get back on. when we really apply the method in a difficult situation, it is not with the hope to win, but with the intention to learn and see more. it is an opportunity to practice our own mindfulness muscle.

after the event, and in your journal, make notes to yourself. you can now look back on the situation and ask yourself some more clarifying questions around each aspect.

recognize

what are the triggering thoughts, feelings, or events? what are the actual emotions at play, and how can i recognize them in my body? naming the emotions helps us to be more specific and come to recognize the emotion more easily.

accept

recognize whether you could accept, and if not, what form your defense or resistance took. remind yourself of the reality that the situation has happened and is therefore already part of reality. your reaction or non-reaction is equally real. it is meant for you, because it happens for you. without accepting the situation as it is, you can only react, and not respond or adapt.

investigate

what can you do differently next time? what is your inner critic going on about? is that helpful? does it change the reality of the situation? remember that the mind, which is judgmental, is already made up, so it is not negotiable.

non-identification

ask yourself which of your values can have meaning in this difficulty. what does such value ask for in terms of letting go, or growing into? what would the expression of the value look like in the situation? what growth does situations like this offer you?