the trance of unconscious living

recap: personality is homeostatic

you may remember the homeostasis diagram that was discussed in the objects of attention program. when the mind operates from consciousness that is mindful and careful (heartful), it is functioning optimally. it is naturally curious, open to learning (assimilating), and accepting. we see this pattern in the healthy (green) loop. our basic desire is met, and the personality is homeostatic (our core state is satisfied). when consciousness is identified (“i am... and what i (don’t) want is...”) the situation is very different. mind is now fearful (strong emotion), irritable (“i am right”), and reactive. a lot is happening in the unconscious: beliefs are forming or being reinforced, thought distortions abound, and the homeostatic needle has moved into overcompensation. what does that mean? we are over-doing, over-feeling, and over–thinking, and we are not aware of it. as an observable result, the strong emotion and fear are escalated, and the mind narrows down to a point of blame. we are either going to attack ourselves, the other, or both.

was the attack necessary? no. mindfulness would see what is happening, give expression to its need, and adapt. we may have a moment of irritation, but then we go back to health.

the wounded mind has great difficulty seeing this. it is painfully stuck in its beliefs, and uses overthinking to create more and more reasons why its conclusions are so right, and the situation or other is so wrong. will that convince the other? no. the other is aware of the reaction, or caught in their counter-reaction. all we hear is blame, accusation, defensiveness, and deep hurt.

there are two core fears: losing what you have, and not getting what you want. there is one solution: falling in love with where you are.

Jeff Foster

recap: overcompensation

if we truly want to change the painful (unconscious) to the meaningful (conscious), we must dig deep. we need to grow our attention and our capacity to hold painful feelings. the more we are able to do this, the more mind sticks to conscious living (mindful living). there are still reactions, but they’re overcome and moved on from. they deepen relationships, rather than tear them apart.

fortunately, the skillset of personality-awareness can be very helpful in healing our mind. if we really want to heal a wound, we have to take deep care of it. we have to understand its nature, how it functions, and what it does and does not need. we have to feel the pain of the different stages of healing, and realize that it is simply part of natural healing: not a wrong, but a light on the dashboard of the car, telling us that something is not functioning well. feeling the pain is the first step towards change, but not if you react to it, or insist on seeing it as a wrong.

the trance of unconscious living

according to Buddhism, three feeling states (impulsions) that trigger identification lie at the root of our unconscious mind. these are anger (don’t want), attachment (must have), and indifference (don’t care/notice). it is interesting to note that, in the Enneagram, we can combine the information about unconscious processes in such a way that we can see this fearsome threesome in the personality. due to the distortion of personality, we see what we want to see. cognition has entrenched beliefs that focus attention on what we want to see, and little else. the attention is focused, but overdoing. it is only when we notice this overcompensation in our thinking and behavior that we recognize the warning signs about our state of mind, and can return to healthier engagement. it is only when we notice our activated passion that we can identify the rationalizations we’re engaging in in order to be so passionate. with attention, we also notice this in our speech: in the exaggerations, the convictions, and the cognitive distortions. it is only through noticing our cognitive mistakes that we can begin to notice the amount of information we are pushing away (anger), and thereby bring it into our attention.

and yes, it is painful to see our unconscious actions. it cannot be any other way. when the unconscious is made conscious, we feel exposed. the new information also does not agree with our ideas about ourselves. don’t let this deter you from seeing more clearly. you can turn away, but that does not mean the behavior has gone away. it is still visible to everyone else, because it is only your blind spot. growing up, whether physically or psychologically, is a panful process. and for some, the pain never goes away. one just gets used to it, and to not seeing it as a wrong. we know it for what it essentially is: sensitivity. that is something we want to increase.

fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth. if we commit ourselves to staying right where we are, then our experience becomes very vivid. things become very clear when there is nowhere to escape. ​

Pema Chödrön 

type 8

the type eight overcompensates through control. they employ a “my way or the highway” stance, and tell themselves “i cannot win the battle by being weak.” the type eight desires to alter reality, and loves the sense of power that comes through control. the focus of attention is on moving into action, holding a grand perspective, and having the energy to push it through. their passion is lust, or excess. this can take many different forms. the cognitive mistake is the belief that “it is true, because i said it (or believe it).” the type eight can exaggerate or lie outright, just to fit the drama of their moment. they require intense stimulation and fulfilment, and can be unapologetic about their excess, even scorning taboos. in the end, the type eight has to face reality: avoiding vulnerability leaves you vulnerable. you can only be as deeply loved as you are known.

beliefs

• “i can do whatever i want.”​
• “if some is good, then more is better.”​
• “in a tough world you have to be strong.”​

i like people who shake other people up, and make them feel uncomfortable​.

Jim Morrison

type 9

the type nine overcompensates through over-accommodation and choosing to live behind the scenes or through others. their focus is on avoiding conflict, creating harmony, and amalgamating views, and seldom on what they want. their passion is slothfulness, or falling asleep to self. they may resist change, preferring the status quo, and may be out of contact with their own aliveness, instinct, and depth. the cognitive mistake is “going along to get along, as the only way.” when the type nine matures, they discover that avoiding conflict also means avoiding depth and expressed emotion. this realization prompts the type nine to engage life more fully, even if this engagement occasionally results in conflict.

beliefs

• ​“to be at odds with another is painful and excluding.”
• “i don’t matter, it’s easier that way.”
• “when i’m not present and accessible to others, i’m safe.”

laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.​

Anne Frank

type 1

for type ones, overcompensation takes the form of criticizing others and pointing out their mistakes. type ones live according to an inner ideal, and want to perfectly emulate this ideal. they focus on “error,” and “imperfection.” their passion is anger, and in the type one this anger most often takes the forms of resentment, frustration, tightness, and irritation. they can be terse and demanding. the cognitive mistake is “we all can and should do better.” for type ones, perfection is rare, and therefore worthy. with maturity, type ones realize that, if only “perfect” can be loved, “good enough” remains unlovable. this paves the way for the type one to move beyond right and wrong.

beliefs

• “allowing my spontaneity will shame me.”​
• “everything can be improved, and most should."
• “to avoid criticism and failure, i must strive to attain high standards.”​

resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Carrie Fisher

type 2

type twos overcompensate with resentment or manipulation. there is a strong outward projection of the self (being what others want), which leads to a loss of self or presence. the type two’s passion is pride, and it is typically ignited when they’re not appreciated or when they feel rejected. the cognitive mistake behind their reasoning is “to get, you must give.” they believe deeply in reciprocity, which can be twisted into a belief that they have to earn love and acceptance from others by doing, because their being isn’t enough. it takes maturing for the type two to realize that, even if they succeed in being what the other wants, they will then be loved for their persona, not their authentic self. “i make people like me by being less me”. this helps the type two to grow into the type of love that honors their being, and doesn’t require them to give to, or do for, the other.

beliefs

• “expressing my needs is selfish, and i may be rejected.”
• “it’s easier to give to others, than to assert oneself.”
• “most people like happy and outgoing people.”

pride makes us artificial, and humility makes us real.​

Thomas Merton

type 3

type threes overcompensate by focusing on competition and comparison. there is a strong focus on goals and tasks. being successful has a picture, or a form, and they adopt this form. their world becomes a series of to-do lists, multitasking, and efficiency. their passion is vanity: “living in the eyes of the other”. they will adopt the attire and attachments that are valued by their circle, and are quite willing to play the crowd. the cognitive mistake is to believe “i am what i do.” to evoke admiration, they will become what the crowd wants. through maturing, the type three comes to realize that they are loved for the image they project, and not for who they are. although their “character” is well-known, they may be unknown. this starts the journey towards authenticity.

beliefs

• “only those with high status have value to society.”​
• “working hard enables me to reach my goals.”
• “image and appearance matter.”

vanity keeps persons in favor of themselves who are out of favor with all others.

Shakespeare

type 4

for the type four, overcompensation takes the form of fantasizing, or intensifying emotion. and since they’re so open to sorrow and loss, this will typically be part of the fantasy. their focus is either on being a “misfit,” or being “unique.” they are very aware of what is “missing”, mostly with themselves. they may dwell in the past as a consequence of a lack of agency. their passion is envy, and it is easily triggered by their fantasies, which are often tainted by what they feel is missing in themselves, leading to a painful sense of lack and shame. the cognitive mistake is “i will dream of getting the love i won’t ever have.” it is hard for the type four to see that, by closing themselves off, and seeing themselves as deficient, they are not available to the love that is already given. seeing this allows the type four to be more open to love and self-acceptance.

beliefs

• “i lack something others have, and will be rejected.”
• “my intensity, or depth of feeling, makes me unique.”
• ​"i am not lovable, understood, or recognized.”

he who envies others does not obtain peace of mind.​

Buddha

type 5

emotional detachment is a sure sign that a type five is in overcompensation. their focus is on managing their resources, minimizing their needs, and protecting their privacy. “people are intrusive and threatening to my personal comfort.” they enjoy analysis and observation, and do not like surprises. their passion is avarice or holding back. counting the pennies. they are easily triggered by diminishing resources or increasing stress, which makes them feel weighed down, and that there is too much to deal with. when this happens, they retreat into knowledge systems that make them feel safe. the cognitive mistake is “human contact exhausts, rather than enriches.” only through maturing can the type five come to know that there is true abundance in friendship and connection. through these select connections, they integrate emotion.

beliefs

• “others don’t provide what i need, it pays to be self-sufficient.”
• “i must protect my energy, others will deplete it.”
• “knowledge is power.”

avarice is always poor.

Samuel Johnson

type 6

type sixes manifests overcompensation through distrust. their focus is on safety and inclusion, and they are plagued by their self-doubt and doubt of others. imaginatively and fearfully, they project a future fraught with danger. they are sometimes drawn to authority for the safety it provides, but are also naturally suspicious of any wielded power. their passion is fear, which may be conscious and consistent. the cognitive mistake is thinking “the world is a dangerous place”, which makes it so. since the world and people can be dangerous, they see danger everywhere, and believe that they need to be prepared at all times. it is hard for them to see that, when you expect things to go wrong, you’re bound to pick up on every little wrong, and miss the overall joy or positive experiences. however, when this insight lands, the type six begins to relax and trust.

beliefs

• “by imagining the worst, you can be prepared for it.”
• (phobic:) “by focusing on how i’m vulnerable, i can minimize the vulnerability.”​
• (counter-phobic:) “by focusing on challenges, i can be proactive, meeting them with force.”

courage is knowing what not to fear.

Plato

type 7

overcompensating type sevens run numbly from experience to experience. their focus is on planning, keeping enthusiasm high, future-orientation, and staying free of painful experience. the type seven’s passion is gluttony, or simply “more.” this can range from sensual experience to esoteric experience. the gluttony is often a “wanting without taking in.” while they’re busy with the one experience, they already wonder about the next one, thus precluding depth. the cognitive mistake is believing “i’m okay and you’re okay” without looking deeper. it isn’t always okay, and running away does not make it okay. it takes maturing for the type seven to realize that keeping moving has become an anguish. avoiding painful experience means there can be no integration or growth through pain. this realization allows the type seven to integrate.

beliefs

• “life is about sampling as many good and fun things as possible.”​
• “i must have good and fun things planned, so that i will feel good.”
• “by moving from one experience to the next, i can keep discomfort at bay.”

the false pride of perennial celebration, of wearing flag lapel pins while betraying what the flag stands for, is like the self-esteem curriculum for toddlers, where everything is praised and no achievement ultimately has meaning​.

Anne-Marie Slaughter

related content

unconscious objects made conscious

by knowing what to look for in our attitude and behavior we can make unconscious objects conscious (known). none of these objects are bad, but not knowing that they’re operating can make life very challenging and difficult to understand...