psychological defenses and shadow work

we all have psychological defenses, but when we do not know what they are and how they work, they may have us. our defenses are natural ways of minimizing and diffusing painful emotional experience. let’s say you call out something your friend does, that they may be unaware of (blind spot). several things could happen next. for example, the moment they hear the differentiation, stress hormones may be released (something is not right). now, your friend may recognize the blind spot and laugh it off, acknowledging truth. in this example, they have down-regulated their initial reaction and restored the body-mind to peace. on the other hand, your friend may hear your statement and fly into a tirade. the defense now takes on a heavy-duty form which denies or distorts reality. “you always do this…!!” we’re now very far from the calm in which the initial suggestion was made. there is anger and hurt, and it touches everyone.

the first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. the second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are.

Marcus Aurelius

core defenses related to Enneagram types

when the defense is most unconscious, the distortion of reality is significant, so that most people will think the way you see things as insane or incorrect. the only people who would agree with you, would be those who have the same distorted view. some defenses, like fantasizing or projection, are typical in young children, or immature adults. when we’re more aware of how mind operates, and the processes of our feeling-thinking, it becomes possible to see your blind spots more easily. if another points it out, you may recognize it, and although surprised-hurt, you will be happy with being shown. when defenses are fully mature, they may be used in conscious ways to reduce anxiety. for example, humor and suppression.

at the end of this program, you will find a document which describes more of the typical defense mechanisms, but for now, we’ll focus on the defenses which are related to each type. remember, we all have all nine types. some more active than others. it is therefore good to focus on your tritype when working with defensiveness. you’ll recognize each of the three type defenses in your behavior. defenses are shadowed, which means that we will not generally notice them, unless pointed out, or through mindfulness. each type’s defense is discussed, and more examples of shadowed behavior given.

type 1 defense: reaction formation

reaction formation means that we are believing and acting the opposite of our true feelings, because the latter cause anxiety. it is important for the one to be “right.” and when feeling “wrong,” the original feeling or impulse is repressed, and the opposite action/feeling expressed. the one may express friendliness when angry, and admiration when envious. the resulting inner conflict is frustrating and leaves the one simmering and resentful. in early childhood experience, the child often had to take on a role they were not psychologically ready for.

basic fear

being bad, defective, or out of control.

psychological defense mechanism

• maintains image by being "right"
• real feeling repressed and replaced with “acceptable” feeling.

self-correction

am i listening with an open mind (non-judgmental) and heart (allowing)?

type 1 shadow

• easily rationalize harshness with self and others as justified — as an ideal or a moral “right.” may come from good intent, but means putting my opinion above another’s.
• so busy thinking about the ideal, i’m hardly aware of my real impact on others.
• thoughts of self and others are highly critical. often do not see positive qualities as so focused on the imperfections.
• does not see own idealism as a “point of view.”
• not aware of the amount of tension in body, face and neck (often a clenched jaw and drawn face).
• pushing myself hard and sometimes when impulses override, pushing even harder, not realizing that the pressure cooker creates the next impulse.

type 2 defense: repression

repression means that my own needs and feelings are made unconscious. the two has a tremendous capacity for adjustment and will take the form which is needed. in this way the image of helpfulness is maintained. in childhood, the two often had to take on a caring role for a parent’s feelings. with enough repression the two can swing into resentful anger and demand an appreciation, based on their expectation. they may also be so unconscious of themselves, they come over as occupied. natural and real aspects can be repressed to the point where others feel them as fake or inauthentic.

basic fear

being unworthy of love.

psychological defense mechanism

• maintains image of helpfulness
• depends on approval or being needed
• represses own needs in order to serve.

self-correction

am i expressing my own needs directly?

type 2 shadow

• being so busy seeing others’ needs in relationships, that i miss who they really are and who i really am. orientation towards need can exclude authenticity.
• repressing own needs and feelings in order to give the other what they may need or want. exhausting self and depriving other from their own self-management.
• finding it hard to see when my own boundary has been overstepped, and when it is time for me to meet my own needs.
• being resentful when not appreciated, unaware that i create expectation.
• repressing actual self, feeling obligation to be nice and to be good.
• lack awareness of own goodness and generosity.
• finding it hard to know my own authority and power and to use this in a way that benefits myself and others.

type 3 defense: identification

identification is the psychological process through which an individual assimilates an aspect, quality, or attribute of the other. it is through the process of many identifications that personality is specified. the three bases their value on an external form or person and act/dress accordingly. often losing contact with own authenticity. identification is distinguished from imitation, which is a voluntary and conscious process. because of identification the child will develop values and guidelines as provided by their parents. the childhood three often felt the pressure to perform to gain acknowledgement.

basic fear

not adding value or being valued; having no value.

psychological defense mechanism

• attention on “doing” and “achieving”
• base image on exterior form or person
• step into the role and lose contact with authentic self.

self-correction

am i willing to disclose information that may not make me look good?

type 3 shadow

• powerful need for approval. will become anything that seems successful and may remain totally unaware that it is not who i want to be.
• crucial need for “success” can make me unaware of my feelings and those of others. in my mind everyone wants success and feelings only get in the way of productive outcomes.
• what i call ‘life’ consists of “to-do-lists,” “multitasking” and “efficiency.” it is very hard to see that there could be more to life.
• ability to play the crowd due to active reading of audience. use this to serve an outcome, or the other.
• belief that failure is so “wrong” that i may harm myself or others when it happens. rather than “failure” just being useful information.
• capacity to “live in the eyes of others,” and yet at the end of the day feeling empty.

type 4 defense: introjection

introjection means internalizing messaging from others, based on a sense of deficiency (“how you see me, is who i am”). unafraid of intense emotion, the four carries this introject not seeing their own gifts or viewing situations objectively. early experience of abandonment leads to a sense of hopelessness and deficiency. the introject acts as an internalized set of rules to protect the four from an unsafe perceived environment. the four is often caught in a melancholy which puts them out of reach of the real love of others. and since they so easily identify with painful feelings, they make effective targets of other’s projection.

basic fear

being without identity or personal significance.

psychological defense mechanism

• maintains image of authenticity and difference
• identifies with idealized self and tries to live up to this ideal
• inevitable sense of failure and shame
• self-rejecting internal voice, leading to a sense of unworthiness.

self-correction

am i displaying objectivity and emotional balance?

type 4 shadow

• my familiarity with painful and intense feelings makes them soothing in themselves. i forget the impact they have on me and on those around me, who may be far less inclined to such depth of feeling.
• how my moods influence my attitudes and how others may experience this as largely negative and demanding.
• a strong sense of shame that comes from a focus on own inadequacies, so much so, that they remain largely unaware of their depth, beauty and richness.
• a difficulty seeing things in a balanced way as i’m typically lost in the ambivalence of extremes.
• so ready to accept blame, if not already blaming myself, i become an easy target for the projections of others. it would be helpful for me to be more objective about situations and relationships.

type 5 defense: isolation

isolation as a defense mechanism is often also called intellectualization. which means that the five does not consider emotional messaging but rely only on intellectual information. when the five is distressed, it also leads to physical isolation. the five isolates to find safety in a world which feels too neglectful, overwhelming, or intrusive. psychologically, the five may present with coldness, or unfeelingness. intellectually, as arrogant. the five child often experienced neglect or engulfment from a needed figure. the person may also suffer because of their incapacity to relate in overtly emotional ways.

basic fear

being useless, incapable, or incompetent; being without resources and energy.

psychological defense mechanism

• maintains image with knowledge
• isolates self to fight feelings of emptiness
• isolates intellectual message from emotional and suppresses emotion
• cut off from others, or from emotion.

self-correction

am i expressing my feelings/emotions in the moment?

type 5 shadow

• so lost in intellectual understanding of things, they may be completely out of touch with emotions and needs for belonging or relationship.
• sense of not having or being enough is so intense that there is little awareness of my inner strength, resilience and ability.
• thinking of self as less capable than others and may have little awareness of how this self-diminishment can create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
• so busy understanding and studying things (impersonally), that there is little awareness of any need for connection.
• finding it hard to believe that they could have abundance (in energy and in material forms), if allowing themselves to receive support and nurturance from others.
• difficulty giving and receiving love (especially overtly) which can leave them quite cynical and unable to open their heart.

type 6 defense: projection

projection means disowning feelings or traits and attributing them to another person. “i hate him,” is felt as “he hates me.” every time we judge or criticize another, we’re projecting our own traits onto the other. in this unconscious way, i escape the responsibility for the feeling. for example, you criticize someone for leaving their job in an economically uncertain time. “you are so irresponsible!” deep down, you may wish to do the same thing (find another job), but you check yourself with reminding “it would be irresponsible.” the courage it takes to change things, is not visible to you. the six child often experienced objective danger in their childhood.

basic fear

being without support or guidance.

psychological defense mechanism

• maintains image of safety and loyalty
• unconsciously disowning own feeling and seeing it in another. mind does not experience its own feeling as safe
• strong intuition is skewed by projection and self-fulfilling prophecy.

self-correction

am i differentiating between my projections and insights?

type 6 shadow

• fear and doubt form such a cornerstone in their life that they have little sense of courage, faith, power and self-confidence.
• doubt leads to cyclical anxiety (each fantasy and fear creating the next one).
• finding it hard to have trust and believe in things being ok, even though most of the anxious fantasies do not come true.
• creating physical safety nets (weapons, alarmed security, stowed away money).
• “gut-sense” or intuition remain inactive for most, because it is replaced with doubtful thought.
• counterphobic six: set on conquering every possible fear so there is no sense of vulnerability and healthy fearfulness, or the power and strength hidden in those qualities.

type 7 defense: rationalization

rationalization takes place when we find a reason, to qualify our experience as positive. seeing the silver line, instead of the dark cloud. coming up with reasons for unacceptable behavior. the need to have only positive experience also leads to fear of commitment and follow-through. through the rationalization, the seven loses awareness of the need to deal with difficulty. psychological depth may also not develop as there is not enough reflection and introspection, which both can be painful. the seven child often reports a positive childhood, since the focus was mainly on the positive.

basic fear

being deprived, or trapped in pain and discomfort.

psychological defense mechanism

• maintains image through story of OK-ness
• explaining or justifying experience until it is OK
• see possibility and options to escape discomfort.

self-correction

am i willing to deal with and stay focused on painful and difficult issues?

type 7 shadow

• fear of pain and discomfort which means not developing ability to stand in those human experiences and feel the richness/fullness derived from them.
• not recognizing painful emotion as a basis for maturing and integration. they rather focus on having more experiences.
• anxiety and fear of pain, boredom and repetition which drives their constant busyness and planning for another experience.
• hunger for ‘more experience’ that comes from not being present to all the aspects of my current experience, as i’m already busy planning the next.
• running from one experience to the next, always living in the future, keeping them apart from emotional depth, being fully present and deep intimacy.
• fear of boredom, finding it hard to realize the boredom as a valuable experience in this moment. when we allow the boredom it can be our entrance into reflection, or introspection.

type 8 defense: denial

denial refuses to see reality, because it is too threatening, or not the wanted outcome. the eight will typically argue against the real view and insist on their version being correct. psychologically then, the complete rejection of hurtful information, even when true. often the first reaction to loss or grief. the eight may also ignore their own weakness and work to the point of collapse. they are often not aware of their impact on their surroundings and people. the eight child often reports a conflict-laden childhood, where the child learned instinctively to use offense as defense.

basic fear

being harmed or controlled.

psychological defense mechanism

• maintains image of power — no vulnerability
• powers up body center and direct energy willfully through anger or control
• emotion repressed and minimized.

self-correction

am i sharing feelings with vulnerability and showing my softer side to others and myself?

type 8 shadow

• minimizing and ignoring any data revealing weakness or vulnerability and turning attention to power, control or justice.
• how aspects of my personality have high impact and may cause pain.
• my love for excess, be it food, sex or ambition, that can be harmful to me and others.
• working myself to illness, breakdown, and loss of a relationship.
• my ability to deny reality, simply screening out what i do not want to see.
• when i feel bored, pushing for conflict or excess.
• how pushing emotions away from me, deprives me of the depth and wisdom they bring to action.

type 9 defense: narcotization

narcotization is also called detachment, which is the defense that allows me to disappear into an activity, or sleep. the nine looks busy but in fact engagement and emotion have been withdrawn and repressed. almost any task, including sleep, can be used for this detachment, or narcotization. the nine therefore, may have difficulty concentrating. narcotization may also become habitual and lead to avoidance. the nine’s childhood may have included experiences of neglect or a lack of belonging.

basic fear

loss of connection, abandonment, and mental fragmentation.

psychological defense mechanism

• maintains image of self-control
• uses habitual action or substances to “fall asleep”
• avoids exterior and interior conflict.

self-correction

am i taking a clear stand on issues and expressing my anger directly?

type 9 shadow

• how unaware i typically am of what i’m feeling or thinking.
• how much I see myself as unworthy.
• seldom being aware of my anger and yet when i pay attention to my behavior, i might notice how i use stubbornness or “digging in” as an expression of anger or autonomy.
• feeling myself so much part of the group, that there is little sense of individuality or the beauty of individuality.
• often saying “yes” when I actually mean “no,” and mostly being unaware of this.
• resisting change as i fear the possible conflict that could stem from it.
• seldom, if ever, noticing that i have desire for positive achievement and/or recognition. this comes from being ‘asleep’ to myself rather than being selfless.

shadow work

we all have a shadow, just like our body would have a shadow when we’re in light. it goes with us, as the unknown part of us. as we said before, it is not a dangerous or dark place inside us, but rather all the stuff we don’t want to see, reflect on, or feel. our experience of self is two-sided. there is the side we want people to know — our “good” things — and the side which we’d rather not have revealed — our “bad” things. we all have aspects we don’t like, feel ashamed of, or guilty for, and aspects we’d like to proclaim.

what we don’t know, is that others can see our shadow, because it is something which they’ve already accepted as part of themselves (integrated).

we can become conscious

so, let’s say i’m an immature type three, and quite vain. i tell my friend for the third time what i’ve done, how it worked out, and what a success it was. in the telling, i also do some name-dropping, to prove how well connected i am. what i’m not seeing or feeling, is my vanity (passion). a good friend may point it out. they’ve revealed one of my blind spots. i was not thinking about how things may land for the other, but only about how to remind my friend how great i am. this action itself is not so great — that’s the shadow.

let’s name a few more Enneagram shadow forms. overcompensation (control), fixated attention (only seeing what i want to see), passion (fulfilling my needs without consideration of others or environment), stress patterns and reactions and other psychological defenses. that’s quite a bunch not to see or know about yourself. which explains why you can feel so desperate in certain relationships. from your viewpoint (not seeing your shadow) you are so right, and the other is so wrong. from their perspective, you are so blind and inconsiderate. and they don’t know anymore how to say it differently.

we can then become conscious of our shadow through:

• Enneagram research and theory
• looking for, and noticing overcompensation
• becoming more mindful and self-aware
• questioning, reflecting and introspecting
• being willing to accept responsibility
• recognizing thought and emotion distortion

it is a practice, meaning it has to be experienced, and repeated, for embodiment to take place.

in this sense any growth work is courageous. we declare ourselves willing to find out and see who we truly are, and we accept that there may be a big part of us that does not want to find out. we get to know ourselves in terms of our defenses and, in particular, our projections.

man, in the state of repressedness does not see what exists, but he puts his thought image into things and sees them in the light of his thought images and fantasies, rather than in their reality. it is the thought image, the distorting veil, that creates his passions, his anxieties. he is under the illusion of being in touch with the world, while he is only in touch with words. he projects his own feelings and ideas on objects and then does not experience himself as the subject of his feelings, but is ruled by the objects which are charged with his feelings.

Erich Fromm: The nature of well-being

how does shadow form?

shadow starts forming when we are very little. as a child, we may for instance become aware of the feeling of anger with mother and at the same time experience that feeling as threatening to our relationship with this person. the child may believe that his or her anger will upset the parent, who will then remove their love from the child. or anger leads to punishment. the felt-sense of anger is now experienced as the threat and the child represses the anger. after many repetitions of this process, the child may feel anger, but cannot allow themselves to be the owner of that anger (experiencing the anger as foreign to their awareness, or ideal). anger is now projected and “seen” in the behavior of the other (disowned and “felt” from another). when the feeling gets even more repressed it becomes an “it” which does not happen with me. i live in a sad world, where everyone is angry. not recognizing how angry i am with this world but feeling it as sadness. through the mechanism of repressing anger, i split off this valuable emotion, and experience my own anger as a sadness, or a fear. this secondary emotion of sadness, is merely a symptom of the primary or authentic feeling (anger). two major psychological defense mechanisms are at play in the formation of shadow:

introjection: doing to self what was experienced in childhood.

projection: externalization of authentic emotion.

shadow (authentic emotion) projected as a symptom (secondary emotion)

adapted from Ken Wilber, Integral Life Practice

an example

as a child, Peter experienced a lot of criticism about his schoolwork and other tasks. he started internalizing the pressure from his parents to do better, feeling loved and appreciated only when he exerted a lot of pressure on himself to get the marks that pleased his parents and, more indirectly, himself. many years later, Peter is married and, like many men, cleans the garage now and then.

on a typical Saturday morning, Peter gets up and feels the need to clean the garage. he has also been asked to do this many times by his wife. on this Saturday morning, Peter pronounces his intention to clean the garage to his wife, who then leaves to do some grocery shopping.

on his way to garage, Peter detours to the kitchen to make some coffee. an interesting headline in a newspaper lying on the kitchen counter catches his eye, and Peter decides to read the article while finishing his coffee. he soon becomes captivated, and continues to explore the topic further on the internet.

he is still absorbed on this activity when his wife gets back from the grocery store. seeing him reading, she says, “oh, i thought you were going to clear out the garage.” an objective outsider might hear matter-of-factness in the wife's statement, rather than criticism. but Peter immediately reacts with resentment and lashes out: “will you please stop pressurizing me!” his wife now feels hurt and unheard, and the interaction escalates into a fight. Peter projected his own inner pressure onto his wife. he feels pressure but perceives this pressure as coming from outside himself, in the form of his wife’s statement. he cannot own his own habit of placing pressure on himself.

our reactions (charged emotion and/or language) are typical indicators of shadow or split-off aspects of awareness. without the charge or the projection, Peter may simply have said that he has not started yet, or that he’s changed his mind, or that he felt like doing something different.

by paying deep attention to our feelings/emotions and our language, we may be able to see a lot of what is going on underneath our own surface, but we typically have a difficult relationship with this kind of work. we want to know (because we want to be very aware) but we also do not want to find out (because it does not fit our ideal image).

turning the process around

process of shadow formation

first person identification

• i have a feeling which in some way is not allowed.
• the feeling is repressed and becomes split off. (if emotion is acceptable, it is owned and not split off).

second person identification

• the feeling is not allowed in my self-awareness, but felt and therefore projected onto another (seen in them).
• "you are angry."
• "i am not angry." (despite having all the signs of anger, i cannot feel it.)

third person identification

• it (the feeling) is something that happens to others. i have no sense of it in myself.
• this dissociated “it” can present as emotion, mood, illness, etc.

the 3-2-1 Shadow-Work process offered by Ken Wilber and the Integral Institute, provides us with a method which may help us become more deeply aware and with more understanding of our psychology. of course, we have to be willing to see, and therefore willing to accept that we can become whole or integrated. wholeness does not mean perfection but rather includes both perfection and imperfection. our object is to use the theory of projection in such a way that we gain understanding or experience of the actual authentic emotion. we re-own our split-off aspects or integrate our shadow.

to facilitate the process, we need to choose what we want to work with. it might be easiest to think about someone with whom you currently feel emotionally upset, or deeply attracted to. when we become more adept at the process, the “object” may also be a dream image or a body sensation. the feeling around it may be either positive or negative but is strong (charged).

generally, we recognize shadow aspects in one of two ways. it either: makes you feel strongly negative feelings, hypersensitivity, easily triggered, reactive, irritated, angry, hurt or upset. it might also be a more general “tone,” “mood,” or attitude that pervades your life.

or:

makes you feel strongly positive feelings, infatuated, possessive, obsessed, or overly attracted. it might also be a more ongoing idealization affecting your moods and motivation.

teaching is in each moment, in every existence. that is true teaching.

Shunryu Suzuki

face it (3rd person)

observing and reflecting on the object closely and using a journal to write, or an empty chair to speak to, describe the person, aspect, situation, image, or sensation in vivid detail. using 3rd person pronouns (he, him, she, her, they, their, its), explore the experience of the disturbance fully. focus on what hurts or bothers/attracts you. be as specific as possible and try to describe in as much detail as possible. allow yourself to feel the emotions you are describing.

talk with it (2nd person)

enter a dialogue with the “object” using 2nd person pronouns (you, yours). try to feel yourself relating to the person, situation, image, or sensation you are speaking to, and be as direct as you can. the following questions might trigger some conversation for you:

• “who/what are you?”
• “where do you come from?”
• “what are your needs?”
• “what do you need from me?”
• “what is it you want to say to me?”
• “what is the opportunity or gift you bring me?”

as you formulate the question(s) that you want to ask, be aware of deep interest and curiosity within you. you are genuinely entering into this relationship, and you really want to understand more deeply. imagine realistically what the response(s) might be and write it down or vocalize it. allow yourself to be open to what arises within yourself and the “other.”

be it (1st person)

using 1st person pronouns (i, me, mine), allow yourself to fully become the person, situation, dream, image, or sensation. see the world, including yourself, from the other’s perspective and allow yourself to see not only differences, but also the ways in which you really are the same. finally, own the aspect, image, or sensation fully by writing or stating, “i am ...,” or “... is me.” this typically feels quite uncomfortable and “untrue”. (it is, after all, what you have been denying or not seeing within yourself). so, keep the heart and mind open and allow yourself to feel what it feels like to be them. at least some insight will arise from this. what kernels of truth are you discovering?

shadow integration

sit, or stay with the insights which arise from your altered perspective. you know that you are successful when the previously excluded drive is fully felt-experienced. make work of this insight. be reminded of it in different situations, so that you may slowly shift your awareness and emotion. what would the result of the insight be in different relationships? what does it look like in different situations? when shadow integration is full, we experience a sense of being lighter, more clear and peaceful. the projection is fully withdrawn when you are no longer hooked by the situation. you are aware of your possible reaction, but self-regulation helps to bring you back to a state of equilibrium.

Ken Wilber regards this process as a central feature of Freudian psychotherapy, and quotes Sigmund Freud, in describing the process of integration:

what was “it” becomes “I.”
what was “I” becomes “mine.”

Sigmund Freud

he goes on to add:

and is witnessed by “I am.”

Ken Wilber

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