coping mechanisms

we all have the same basic needs, but very different strategies for getting those needs met. each personality has ways of interpreting information and ways of supporting themselves in stressful situations. one way of becoming aware of these patterns is by investigating the harmonic and hornevian triads.

by now you’ll be aware that triads play an important role in the Enneagram. we’ve seen the basic triad in the three forms of intelligence. through my action intelligence i can reach intuition, and with my feeling intelligence, i’m moved by certain things. finally, through the intellectual intelligence, i can apply logic. when all three are functioning well, i’m able to take in optimal information, as each provides me with a different set of data.

we are what we repeatedly do. excellence, then, is not an act, it is a habit.

Aristotle

relational intelligence centers

in their unconscious form, or shadow form, these three intelligences impact heavily on our relationships with others and ourselves. for the action triad, bodily needs and self-care become repressed, and the center is driven by anger. self-forgetting takes place, taking the form of over-working in the type eight, over-accommodation in the type nine, and over-ruling in the type one.

for the feeling triad, the identification is with shame, and emotional needs become repressed to prevent shame. self-disowning takes place as repressed needs in the type two, ignored needs and feelings in the type three, and being trapped in particular needs in the type four.

lastly, for the thinking triad, their wholesome self-holding becomes abandoned to thinking and planning, and the center is driven by unconscious fear. self-abandoning takes place as intellectualizing in the type five, doubt in the type six, and over-thinking in the type seven.

we’ve also seen that the tritype is another form of triad, mainly indicating our archetype. becoming aware of the archetype means that we’re able to know the intelligences more directly. we can pinpoint how each intelligence informs us, and we can be aware of our personality functioning.

now we’re looking at two final triads, in order to better understand our reactions in stressful situations. by doing so and understanding the same in others, we can more skillfully bring conflict to resolution.

harmonic coping styles

the harmonic triads give us an understanding of our internal functioning under stress. there are three groups, called the positive outlook, competency, and reactive groups. each group has three types associated with it, and the name of the group already hints at their strategy for internal soothing.

positive outlook group — types 2, 7 and 9

adopt a positive attitude when stressed, reframing difficulty in a positive way. they emphasize the uplifting and want to support through morale-building. these types have difficulty dealing directly with problems, as well as balancing their own needs with others.

main themes of the positive outlook group

competency — types 1, 3 and 5

deal with difficulty by focusing on tasks and procedures, rather than emotions. try to solve problems logically or abstractly and may expect others to do the same. in relation to systems, ones tend to work with the system, fives tend to work outside it, and threes are able to do both.

main themes of the competency group

reactive — types 4, 6 and 8

reacts emotionally to conflict and problems, and may be distrustful. they cope by making sure everyone knows how serious the problem is. in being reactive they hope to convey the seriousness of what is wrong. they also have strong type-related preferences, and when they feel silenced, can become resentful.

main themes of the reactive group

adapted from Riso & Hudson: Wisdom of the Enneagram

the neurotic ego wants to follow the path of least resistance. the spiritual Self want to reveal new paths. it is not practice that makes perfect but that practice is perfect, combining effort with an openness to grace.

David Richo

now, let’s apply this to conflict resolution

as you can see from the above discussion, personality types have very different reactions and coping mechanisms. if Mary is a type two, she will tend to maintain a positive sense when stressed, whilst her friend Anne, who is a type eight, will become reactive, wanting to convey the urgency of the problem. without knowing this about themselves, both can misunderstand the other deeply.

positive outlook vs positive outlook

both parties here would agree that there is no real problem, and no value in arguing. they may soothe one another and enter a solidarity of denial or “turning away.” with a more objective view onto the situation, one can see that it would be helpful to realize the problem will not go away by itself. in supporting the positive outlook type, we can help them to acknowledge the problem and provide empathic listening on how they perceive it. when the positive outlook type feels overwhelmed, it might be useful to break up the process into clear tasks.

reactive vs reactive

in this pairing, both will see the problem as a big deal, and this can lead to a painful clash. lots of emotional venting and anger may be on display. both parties will tend to catastrophize if they feel unheard, and if they feel overwhelmed, they may collapse. resolution lies in bringing more objectivity to the emotions and addressing the root of the problem, rather than reacting to the emotional acting out. strong feelings can be channeled into problem-solving. both need acknowledgment and empathy.

competency vs competency

one may wonder what could go wrong here? typically both will agree to find a logical solution and a civilized agreement around method. they may also check-list possibilities and outcomes. the problem in this is that emotion gets left out of the planning. resolution comes from considering the feelings of individuals who are part of the problem, as well as the possible impact of methods on emotions.

reactive vs competency

reactive vs positive outlook

competency vs positive outlook

adapted from Riso & Hudson: Wisdom of the Enneagram

…the neurotic process…is a problem of the self. it is a process of abandoning the real self for an idealized one; of trying to actualize this pseudoself instead of our given human potentials.

Karen Horney

hornevian social styles

whereas the harmonic triads give us the pattern each personality takes in mitigating interior stress, the hornevians are the social styles, or the visible style the type will take on to overcome stress. these styles come from the work of Karen Horney on social styles.

assertive style — types 3, 7 and 8

employ the assertive social style. in these types, ego moves against others, as they regard themselves as the center. this leads to a building up or inflation of ego.

main themes of the assertive group

withdrawn style — types 4, 5 and 9

employ the withdrawn style, tending to move away from others and becoming interiorized.

main themes of the withdrawn group

compliant style — types 1, 2 and 6

employ the compliant style. this style tends to move towards others, serving and accepting responsibility.

main themes of the compliant style

adapted from Riso & Hudson: Wisdom of the Enneagram

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Enneagram styles and conflict management

here, we take a closer look at each type's common triggers and reactions, and how they can best approach and self-manage during conflict.