unconscious objects made conscious

as a general way of working with something, choose one or more areas where you feel you want to pay more attention. make notes in terms of all three intelligences (what you are feeling, thinking, and doing (or not doing). when you read through your notes, you will notice patterns, and based on these patterns you can decide where it is best to start bringing about change. we can change our patterns through speech (feeling), thinking (letting go of distorted thought patterns), or action (changing my behavior or stepping into action).

reflection

at the end of the day, make some time (10 minutes or so) to reflect on your day. what stood out? where did you act in ways that you are proud of? where did you act in ways that you’d like to change? what could you have done differently in speech (feeling), thought, or action?

gratitude

go back to your reflection and choose a moment (or event) where you felt most alive (it might be one of the moments you are proud of, or something else). try to get back into the feeling-sense of that moment and relive it as much as you can (introspect). if you do this during formal meditation time, rest in the feeling-sense. otherwise, simply remember it as fully as you can, especially in terms of the sensate experience. many of us have parts of our personality deeply focused on everything we do wrong, or do not enjoy, so much so that we forget what was good. the more we reconnect with what we felt when things are good, the more we believe in ourselves and our potential.

looking for the objects in daily experience

by knowing what to look for in our attitude and behavior we can make unconscious objects conscious (known). none of these objects are bad, but not knowing that they’re operating can make your life very challenging and difficult to understand. at the same time, strong feelings or emotions do not need to be understood. they need to be known, held, and brought into safety. you are the only one that can do this for yourself. become aware of how your type is perceived. look for where your attention is focusing, and ask yourself questions, or give yourself reminders to pay attention to what you don’t normally look for. be aware of your emotional passion and how it is expressed. recognize your key beliefs and cognitive mistake, looking out for what is “outside” of these. what do you fail to see when you are trapped inside your beliefs and habitual cognitive distortion? growth can be gained by integrating your release point and working against the negative stress point. reflect on the last statement (orange) again and again when you’re reactive.

unconscious objects, made conscious – type 1

perceived as

over-civilized or over-controlled.

focus of attention

• errors
• imperfections (whatever runs counter to interior ideal)
• perfection (can be emotionally felt as “feeling correctly” or “knowing correctly”)
• peace and satisfaction when things come together
• attending to details in order to repeat experience of satisfaction.

passion: resentment

• anger — whereas types eight, six and four will directly speak anger, in the type one it takes the form of ongoing expression of resentment, frustration, irritation, and self-righteousness.
• when they feel righteous, they can be openly furious, because they feel that it is “right” to express such anger.
• in their mind they are “restoring the right” by angrily pointing out what is “obviously” wrong.
• appear tense, terse, critical, or demanding.

key beliefs

• "one must strive to be better in order to avoid criticism."
• "i am flawed and therefore bad."
• "i have to control my emotions so as not to shame myself."
• "i am someone people can rely on."
• "perfection is hard and should be hard — it is rare and worth it."
• "if everyone followed the rules, society would function better."

cognitive distortion

"we all can and should do better — mistakes should be punished."

release point

integrating healthy type seven: acceptance, playfulness, making time for everything.

stress point

deteriorating into unhealthy type four: feeling misunderstood, hopeless, overwhelmed, and self-pitying.

reflect during reaction

as long as only “perfect” can be loved, “good enough” remains unlovable. (upholding unrealistic standards, and punishing whatever fails to meet them.)

unconscious objects, made conscious – type 2

perceived as

pleasing in order to evoke affection (glamorous, possessive, moody and sentimental).

focus of attention

• reading others for needs and feelings, and shapeshifting in order to meet their needs
• drawing attention away from self, and often lacking a clear sense of their own emotions, needs, and preferences.

passion: flattery

• pride – a passion for the aggrandizement of the self-image
• when criticized, the type two deflates to the point of devaluing itself and starts the next cycle of subjugation.
• at worst, their pride and unsolicited giving can feel intrusive to the other.
• not being seen (and not realizing that they cannot be seen), finally leads to resentful explosion of real needs.

key beliefs

• "it is selfish to focus on my needs."
• "i am not lovable as i am."
• "i have to present my needed and best self."
• "i have to endure and handle difficult things in order to earn love."
• "it is easier to give than to assert myself."

cognitive distortion

to get, you must give.

release point

integrating healthy type four: expression of self and needs, creativity, setting limits.

stress point

deteriorating into unhealthy type eight: moody, martyred anger, going it alone and becoming bossy.

reflect during reaction

"i make people like me by being less me." (temporary adoration confused with love.)

unconscious objects, made conscious – type 3

perceived as

being inauthentic in order to live in the eyes of the other.

focus of attention

• goals and tasks
• lack of awareness of interior processes and feelings
• driven by to-do lists and accomplishments
• multi-tasking and splitting attention over a range of activities
• "playing the crowd."

passion: efficiency

• vanity – living in the eyes of others
• natural capacity to construct a persona that will fulfil the expectations of others
• have to be doing, so no time for reflection or introspection
• feelings get in the way of achievement.

key beliefs

• "i have to work hard to prove my worth to others."
• "i have to add value."
• "people admire success and achievement."
• "well-being is supported by productivity."
• "image and appearance matter."

cognitive distortion

"i am what i do."

release point

integrating healthy type six: slowing down, following through, and connecting to personal feelings.

stress point

deteriorating into unhealthy type nine: merging identity with workaholic, followed by exhaustion, settling into persona, work becomes just a habit.

reflect during reaction

"you love and adore my image, and i’m still not seen."

unconscious objects, made conscious – type 4

perceived as

over-identified with deficient self (resonance with sadness and authenticity that may be overwhelming for others.)

focus of attention

• internal experiences, in themselves and others
• although able to read a broad band of emotions, typically get lost in specific negative emotions
• automatically sees what is absent or negative
• not fitting in due to being unique, special, or deficient
• difference.

passion: melancholy

• envy – what is valued and needed is outside the self and cannot be attained
• tendency to compare or create drama in order to distract themselves from the intensity of their own shame and emotional truths.

key beliefs

• "i have to be unique and special (unlike others)."
• "it is easier to live with a “bad” self than a “bad” world."
• "i will always be lacking and inevitably rejected."
• "there is something fundamentally wrong with me, so i will be misunderstood."
• "my intensity makes me special."

cognitive distortion

"i dream of the love/unique self i will never have/be."

release point

integrating healthy type one: taking action despite overwhelm, finding routines that reduce stress.

stress point

deteriorating into unhealthy type two: fleeing into fixing and service, becoming suffering servant, giving up on self, depression.

reflect during reaction

seeing myself as deficient closes me off to the love that is available ("i must leave before i’m left.")

unconscious objects, made conscious – type 5

perceived as

classic introvert and directed to understanding what is perceived.

focus of attention

• managing inner resources
• maintaining privacy
• observing rather than participating
• minimizing needs, analyzing, and thinking
• limiting intrusions
• steering clear of emotionality.

passion: withdrawal

• avarice – fearing that they will not have, or be, enough
• a hoarding of time, space, and energy
• emotional detachment.

key beliefs

• "i am more comfortable with knowledge than feelings."
• "the world is intrusive or unresponsive, so i have to withdraw into myself."
• "i have to be self-sufficient."
• "others want more than i want to give."
• "emotional demands exhaust my inner resources."
• "i am powerless in negotiating my needs and desires."

cognitive distortion

"human contact exhausts rather than enriches"

release point

integrating healthy type eight: developing assertiveness, being forthcoming, experiencing body and feelings, connecting.

stress point

deteriorating into unhealthy type seven: distracting self with more information, minimizing what needs addressing, becoming disdainful.

reflect during reaction

the world provides abundantly, especially to those who believe, trust, and connect.

unconscious objects, made conscious – type 6

perceived as

the well-known “fight-flight-freeze” (two distinct patterns: phobic and counterphobic).

focus of attention

• minute attention to little details that help to predict outcomes
• imaginatively elaborating what may happen, in order to be prepared
• signs of threat and lack of trustworthiness
• mistrusting any strong opinion.

passion: paranoia

• fear – more or less conscious
• fear of unknown
• self-doubt.

key beliefs

• "i need to imagine what can go wrong so as to prevent it or prepare for it"
• "i need to doubt myself as well as others"
• "others judge me." (projection)
• "by anticipating what can go wrong, i can prevent it."
• phobic: "by focusing on my vulnerabilities, i can minimize them."
• counter-phobic: "forcefully meeting my fears enable me to overcome them."

cognitive distortion

"the world is a dangerous place."(and i make it so through anxiety.)

release point

integrating healthy type nine: feeling settled, keeping things in perspective, developing confidence and trust in inner authority.

stress point

deteriorating into unhealthy type three: suspicion, distrust, escape into role and duty. overly loyal, deepened fear and dogmatism.

reflect during reaction

when you expect something to go wrong, it usually does (self-fulfilling prophecy, because you only see the “wrong.”)

unconscious objects, made conscious – type 7

perceived as

downplaying emotion to run away from fear

focus of attention

• self-referencing (projecting own feelings and understanding)
• aware of positive data; pleasure-seeking
• focusing on the best life has to offer
• imagined and idealized future reality.

passion: planning

• gluttony – insatiable hunger for experience and stimulation
• consuming rather than digesting leaves them unsatisfied (and triggers new need).

key beliefs

• "i must do fun things in order to feel good."
• "i will get stuck in painful experiences if i do not continually plan new ones."
• a deep fear of being trapped in negativity or suffering
• "i must move from one experience to the next to keep things “up” and fun."
• "being happy is a sensible, reasonable, and worthy goal."

cognitive distortion

"believing i’m okay and you’re ok makes it so" (even when it isn't).

release point

integratig healthy type five: staying focused, going deeper, sticking with things, being still, accepting paradoxes.

stress point

deteriorating into unhealthy type one: irritable and resentful when not getting their way, not having fun, increased gluttony.

reflect during reaction

having to keep moving itself becomes the anguish ("whatever i refuse to look at i will meet in experience.")

unconscious objects, made conscious – type 8

perceived as

overdoing of anger and control (using impulsivity to overcome helplessness).

focus of attention

• focus on power, control, and injustice
• patterns of power and domination
• protecting own vulnerability in someone they care about
• focus a lot on their lust (passion) and will be excessive.

passion: vengeance

• lust – passion for excess, intensity, sensual stimulation, and physical fulfilment
• “no-holds-barred” approach to life
• a sense of having the right to be excessive; no repression of excess.

key beliefs

• "i can control others and the environment."
• "in a tough world one needs to be strong to survive."
• "weakness is not respected or worthy."
• "i’m stronger and more powerful than others and can do what i want."
• "if some is good, more is better."
• "sometimes you need to break rules or invent new rules in order to do what needs to be done."
• "i protect the people i care about."

cognitive distortion

"it is true because i believe/say so."

release point

integrating healthy type two: make contact with tender, compassionate side; build others up; yield, be vulnerable.

stress point

deteriorating into unhealthy type five: withdrawing, intellectualizing, isolating.

reflect during reaction

avoiding vulnerability leaves you vulnerable.

unconscious objects, made conscious – type 9

perceived as

avoiding capacity for anger and agency to maintain comfort.

focus of attention

• other-oriented
• avoidance of conflict
• creating harmony
• fully focusing outwardly, they become unaware of their own self
• talented at mediation, because they can sense tension or calm
• focus on similarities and commonalities.

passion: indolence

• self-forgetting leads to falling asleep to oneself, and to automatic functioning with little self-awareness.
• may manifest as a loss of interiority, a refusal to see, and a resistance to change.

key beliefs

• "i am not important."
• "what i think and feel are not important, others feel more strongly about things."
• "it’s more important to be nice and peaceful than truthful."
• "i’m incapable of knowing what i want."
• "being assertive leads to conflict, it is easier to go with the flow."

cognitive distortion

"going along to get along is the only way to go."

release point

integrating healthy type three: focus, express and act on agenda because everyone matters, stay awake and see that no action is an action.

stress point

deteriorating into unhealthy type six: adding doubt to indecision, obsessing, overly cautious, feeling that nothing matters.

reflect during reaction

avoiding conflict finally leads to conflict. the deepest connection stems from connection with expressed emotion.