Enneagram types in relationship
Enneagram type 8 in relationship
needs
- dependability
- loyalty
- strength
- capability.
ways of self-sabotaging
- insisting on controlling others
- dominating others
- being demanding.
wake-up call
feeling a sense of pushing and struggling to make things happen.
fears
- being harmed or controlled
- becoming weak, vulnerable, dependent.
egoic identification
self-sufficiency
values
- capacity
- strength
- independence.
healing state
maybe nobody is going to take advantage of me. maybe i can be less guarded and let my heart be touched.Enneagram type 9 in relationship
needs
- comfort
- peace
- harmony
- stability.
ways of self-sabotaging
- not acknowledging problems
- neutrality
- “spacing out”
- passive-aggressive resistance.
wake-up call
accommodating others and always saying “yes.”
fears
- loss and separation
- losing peace of mind or being in conflict.
egoic identification
avoiding conflict and self-assertion.
values
- peace
- harmony
- unity.
healing state
maybe i can make a difference, be energized and involved. maybe i’m more than i realize and i matter.
Enneagram type 1 in relationship
needs
- shared purpose and values
- equality
- fairness
- integrity.
ways of self-sabotaging
- insisting on being right
- correcting others
- instilling guilt and inadequacy.
wake-up call
feeling obliged to fix everything myself.
fears
- being bad, imbalanced, or corrupt
- subjectivity will lead astray.
egoic identification
extreme sense of personal or moral obligation.
values
- goodness
- excellence.
healing state
maybe others are right or have a better idea. others can learn by themselves and i don’t need to make them better.
Enneagram type 2 in relationship
needs
- emotional connection
- intimacy
- warmth
- affection.
ways of self-sabotaging
- insisting on exclusivity
- increasing closeness
- creating secret dependencies (fixing).
wake-up call
believing that i must be there for others in order to win them over.
fears
- being unloved
- own needs and feelings may harm relationship.
egoic identification
i am without needs and well-intentioned.
values
- love
- attention.
healing state
maybe someone else can do this. this person is already showing me their love, in their way, and i can do something good for myself.
Enneagram type 3 in relationship
needs
- social suitability
- competence
- admirability
- attractiveness.
ways of self-sabotaging
- placing career before relationship
- manipulating through charm
- adopting the image that will work.
wake-up call
driving myself constantly for status and attention.
fears
- being worthless
- that others will reject me or be disappointed.
egoic identification
constantly pushing myself to be “the best."
values
- efficiency/efficacy
- productivity.
healing state
maybe there is no “best”. others may already accept me just as i am, and maybe their opinions of me reveal them, rather than me.
Enneagram type 4 in relationship
needs
- communication
- listening
- acceptance
- emotional honesty.
ways of self-sabotaging
- impatience in having needs met
- being temperamental
- forcing others to walk on eggshells.
wake-up call
holding onto and intensifying emotion through imagination.
fears
- having no identity or significance
- losing touch with inner states or sense of self.
egoic identification
overusing imagination in search of a self.
values
- originality
- beauty
- uniqueness.
healing state
what if there’s nothing wrong with me, and i’m not so different. maybe others understand me and i’m not the only one feeling this way.
Enneagram type 5 in relationship
needs
- curiosity
- intensity
- involvement
- non-intrusiveness.
ways of self-sabotaging
- insisting on space and non-interference
- staying preoccupied with ideas
- detaching emotionally from others.
wake-up call
withdrawing from reality into concepts and intellectuality.
fears
- being overwhelmed, incompetent, or incapable
- insufficient perception to orientate.
egoic identification
replacing direct experience with concepts.
values
- wisdom
- understanding
- knowledge
- truth.
healing state
maybe i can trust people and let them know my needs. i may be able to live happily in the world, without fear that i won’t be or have enough.
Enneagram type 6 in relationship
needs
- commitment
- dependability
- shared values
- solidity.
ways of self-sabotaging
- self-doubt and reactivity
- need for closeness and distance
- manipulating by complaining and testing others’ commitment
- postponing commitments.
wake-up call
depending on something outside myself for guidance.
fears
- being without support
- losing security and guidance.
egoic identification
cycles of indecision and wanting approval/direction from others.
values
- loyalty
- commitment
- fidelity.
healing state
it is possible that this will work out fine. i don’t need to attempt to foresee every problem. maybe i can just trust myself and learn from experience.
Enneagram type 7 in relationship
needs
- stimulation
- adventure
- excitement
- variety.
ways of self-sabotaging
- manipulating by being upbeat
- hyperactivity
- demanding that their needs be gratified.
wake-up call
feeling that something better is available elsewhere.
fears
- being trapped in pain and deprivation
- losing freedom and happiness, and not having needs met.
egoic identification
thinking of or planning future fulfillment rather than being present.
values
- joy
- variety and enthusiasm
- excitement and fun.
healing state
i might already have enough. nowhere else is better than right here and now, and i may not be missing out on something worthwhile.