type 3 instincts

personality structure

the feeling types (types two, three and four) all are heart-based, centered around emotions of sadness and grief. all three types have lost connection with their core self as the result of disowning who they are in favor of a strategy to get this love from the outer world. type three is typically out of contact with their own emotions and use an identification with “success” to win the acknowledgment, acceptance, and love of others. performing well at tasks, reaching goals, and constructing a polished image by adhering to what is considered as successful within their culture allow them to prove their worth to others.

the type three child develops a sense of not being loved for who they are, but rather for what they achieve. they also may have lacked emotional attention and so became motivated to attracting attention through achievement and impressing others. this develops into a sensitive radar for what others like, admire, or view as successful, and a chameleon-like ability to adapt to this pattern even in changing circumstances or environments. type threes shapeshift into matching an image of competence, attractiveness, and high status. in the process “being” becomes a blind spot and feelings are avoided so as not to distract from “doing.” the type three believes that they are what they “do.”

defense mechanism: identification

by identifying with the image of what others value, the type three substitutes their underlying need for love into the need for approval. this over-identification with “doing” and the image of success lead to a persona that may altogether obscure their real or true self. identification with the image of success therefore defends against feelings of anxiety, grief, shame, and low self-esteem. the identification is with an ideal self-image built as a response to the expectations of others.

attention fixation

the focus of attention is mainly driven by attention to goals and tasks that would lead to the image of success in the eyes of others. in this way most type threes do indeed become very successful through the suppression of an authentic sense of self. as this attention is primarily other-focused, it denies or represses much of what is happening interiorly. often driven by “to-do” lists, a sense of accomplishment and success is achieved by ticking off what needs to be done. this also leads to the ability to multi-task and split attention over a range of activities. another way in which attention is focused is in “playing the crowd.” type threes are natural performers and will focus their energy on changing themselves into what would win the approval of others. in their immature form, they are often perceived as inauthentic.

emotional passion: vanity

vanity is the passion for “living in the eyes of others.” the type three has a natural capacity for constructing a persona in anticipation or fantasy of the experience of the other (how they “look” to the other). when under the sway of vanity, oriented towards external appearance, the type three loses their capacity for inwardness, and feel that they have to be doing something all the time so that they do not leave themselves time for reflection, or just being themselves.

cognitive mistake: "i am what i do"

while the emotional passion shapes the personality’s motivation, the cognitive fixation preoccupies the personality’s thought processes. in type three this cognitive fixation is deceit, or a self-falsification entailed in creating an image for public consumption. this falsification or “lie” to the world, although not intentional, is driven by the deep need to impress others and win their approval. experientially the type three may even believe themselves to be their image. type threes lie to themselves about who they really are because they so badly need to believe they are whoever they need to be for others to see them in a positive light. the mental organizing principles, or key beliefs, center around:

type 3 shadow

the type three believes so deeply in their own image that the true self can become a blind spot. in this way the type three cannot act from their real feelings and needs (in other words authentically), but remains trapped in their public image, which can be defended even if it involves harming another.

because feeling is often suspended to get the job done, feeling itself can become shadowed. fear is experienced when emotion arises, and finally others’ feelings cannot be tolerated either as they get in the way of achievement.

as doing is of the ultimate importance, “being” becomes shadowed. this leads to a position where it becomes intolerable to slow down. this can be felt by others as the type three not being at home with themselves and can finally lead to the shadowing of vulnerability as insecurity, loss, and failure become shadowed. the fear of failure can become devastating, so that the type three will turn to harm or deceit rather than being seen to fail.

SP type 3: security (countertype)

the SP type three works hard to achieve a sense of security, both in terms of material success and knowing how to do things effectively. they want to know how to take care of themselves and others. their childhood often lacked in terms of protection and resources. in this way a special focus on autonomy developed in the face of a threatened sense of security. these type threes are solid people who are often sought for advice. outwardly calm and organized, they seem to have things together, seldom showing the anxiety that is felt inwardly. they are assertive and specialize in solving problems and getting things done efficiently. their anxiety often relates to the effort it takes to achieve the sense of security they crave.

the SP type three strives for quality in whatever they do and is the countertype in the sense that they not only want to do good, but also be good. they therefore want to be the best partner, or parent, or whatever role they find themselves in. they want to create security and also to inspire, all without being obvious about their vanity. they want not only to create the right image, but also to live up to that image. their tendency to adapt or adjust to an image leads to even greater suppression of their own emotion. since they want to model goodness or virtuousness, they have a vanity for having no vanity. they don’t want to be seen as creating an image. so deeply may they believe that it is wrong or superficial to want the approval of others that they will not even admit this desire to themselves. in this way they do not look like the typical type three. unlike social type threes, the SP dislikes talking about their achievements, as they believe it to be bad form to advertise their strengths, even though they want others to see them as successful.

they also show the countertype in wanting to be honest. their deception therefore is more unconscious and lies at the level of knowing their own deepest motivation. this results in confusion between their image-based reasons for doing things and their real feelings and convictions.

the SP type three is a true workaholic, and also shows a compulsion to be self-reliant and feel in control of their lives. losing autonomy and needing help may even cause them to experience panic. typically, their thought-pattern includes having to do everything themselves, since they do it better. they are therefore the most rigid of the type threes. though they may work hard at maintaining relationships, they may have trouble making deep connections. especially in intimate relationships they may feel that the effort required to maintain the emotional connection is a waste of time.

SO type 3 ― prestige

the SO three has a deep desire to be influential and to be seen by others. they enjoy being “on stage” and are the vainest of the threes, needing admiration and applause. as children they often experienced having to be good at something and demonstrate competence. support most likely came in the form of an “approving look” from a parent. they are socially brilliant and are measured in how they convey themselves to get maximum benefit in terms of making the right impression. very concerned with competition and winning, this is the most competitive of the threes. they can be demanding and authoritative, even though these characteristics may be hidden behind a smooth and humorous exterior. they are also the most aggressive of the threes and do not allow another to prevent them from reaching their goals. in the extreme they can so effectively block out feeling that they appear to be cold. in a corporate world, the SO three may concern themselves with creating a team that will succeed at all costs, even if it includes unethical behavior or harmful long-term consequences. they can be frustrated by less assertive leaders and enjoy being at the center of things. it is hard to detect their flaws, as they are so good at creating the right image. wanting to look good, it may be difficult for them to allow others to get close to them, or to reveal themselves and their underlying emotions.

SX type 3 ― charisma

the SX type three is less interested in money and prestige, and more in sex appeal and beauty. vanity is not denied, but rather used in service of creating an attractive and self-promoting image. shyer than the SO type three, they often put the focus on others, thereby making themselves attractive as a way of earning love. even though the type three is an emotive type, the SX type three is more concerned with mental connections and enthusiastic support. in this way they present as charismatic.

achievement for the SX type three is measured within relationship, and they tend to be pleasing and helpful to those they want to earn love from. as a team member they will work hard to promote their fellow team members. like the type two, they put a lot of emphasis on seducing and pleasing others. they may have strong fantasies about an ideal partner and may try hard to shape their partner into this fantasy. in this way they may also aspire to an image of the best lover, best wife/husband, or best manager.

the SX type three often has a fear of disappointing others and may justify themselves with excuses to avoid confrontation or being exposed as having made a mistake. they typically experience a feeling of emptiness in terms of a clear identity or sense of self. although they are the most emotionally expressive of the type threes, they experience difficulty in being, feeling, and expressing authentically. they are therefore most likely to “put on a good face,” being sweet and complacent. they also experience criticism as very threatening.

summarized and adapted from Beatrice Chestnut: The Complete Enneagram