type 2 instincts

personality structure

archetypically the type two represents the person who seeks to please in order to evoke affection. in this way material and emotional support may be attained without having to ask for it. it mirrors the Jungian anima, who Jung described as a “glamorous, possessive, moody, and sentimental seductress.” it also fits the pattern of the classic codependent, the person who becomes addicted to supporting and enabling another addict. underlying this pattern is a tendency to self-aggrandize or self-inflate. like the other feeling-based types, the type two is associated with sadness and grief. in defense they focus on creating a beneficial image of themselves. like the other feeling types, they relate primarily through emotional empathy, including a heightened need for connection and an ability to read emotional situations well. whilst the type four overdoes emotion, and the type three underdoes emotion, the type two is in constant conflict with their emotion. like the other feeling types, their true self has been disowned in exchange of an image-related self, due to not being loved for who they are. this false self engineers positive emotional alignment with people who then provide support for survival. fundamental to the type two is an often-unconscious habit of strategic giving to make people indebted to them. self-awareness for them involves recognizing how much of their giving reflects insecurity about their own perceived worth and lovability, rather than a simple desire to help without expectation of reward. as a child they typically had a specific need or needs not met, typically due to overwhelm on the parent’s side. the child then developed the idea (or got told) that their needs are too much for other people and that they cannot be loved the way they are. the survival strategy becomes a repression of self-needs and meeting the needs of others, with the hope that the other will reciprocate by meeting the type two’s needs. asking for needs to be met is experienced as humiliating, since it means acknowledging a need that was “too much” in the past.

defense mechanism: repression

by becoming what others want them to be, the two develops a tremendous capacity to adjust, taking the form of providing what is needed in order to gain approval and affection. in this way they typically build a network of positive connections to hopefully indirectly meet the needs they have so carefully hidden from view.

the defense mechanism employed in this feat is repression, which means that specific perceptions or emotions have been consigned to the unconscious. for example, twos repress feelings that might impede achieving a connection with others. in the process the two represses natural and real aspects of themselves continually, so that finally they may appear fake or inauthentic to others.

attention fixation

tending to “read” people, type twos automatically pay attention to the needs and feelings of others, shapeshifting in order to provide what is needed. this outward focus draws their attention away from themselves and their internal experience, or own sense of self. as a result, type twos often lack a clear sense of their own emotions, needs, and preferences. even though type twos can prioritize positive connections with others, their focus is more on “doing for others” so that they become un-present to being with another. paradoxically the “giver” has then become preoccupied and unavailable to the depth of what is needed.

as much as it would be a mistake to say that all the good type twos do is strategic, it is also important for the type two to recognize the amount of manipulation, prevarication and even creative orchestration they use in order to get what they really want. when in full force, the type two can be particularly bossy, especially when stressed, operating behind the scenes, or when insecure with those around them.

emotional passion: anger

Naranjo describes the passion of pride as “a passion for the aggrandizement of the self-image.” this passion causes the unconscious need to “puff up” so that you can be exactly what is needed. pride as a passion, therefore, rests upon valuing ourselves and investing energy into how we would like to see ourselves — our ideal self-image — rather than perceiving ourselves directly, as we really are. since type twos typically feel insecure and wanting of approval, it is initially difficult for them to see their pride functioning. it may be hard for them to see the inflating of their image when they already feel so deflated or overburdened (by choice, however unconscious), when they feel “they have to.” the unconscious pride is of being capable, hard-working, able to meet another’s needs. over time the type two may recognize the pride underlying the sense of power they feel from their imagined capacity to meet every need, or superiority stemming from not feeling their own needs met. the pride then manifests as independence.

when criticism, rejection, exposure, or failure punctures the inflated feelings of pride, the type two typically goes to the other extreme. now they feel their value denounced and embarrassed of feeling needy. in the immature type two, this resets the repression so that the pride underlying the pattern becomes once again submerged and the next cycle is triggered.

cognitive mistake: “to get you must give”

the type two’s cognitive mistake centers on the underlying assumption that they have to seduce others into liking them. conversely, they think it is “selfish” to focus on their own needs and desires. following are some of the key beliefs that the type two uses to maintain the pattern:

to mature, the type two has to realize that “i make people like me by being less like me.” type twos trap themselves by substituting the temporary lift of approval for the real love they desperately want. trying to be what others want leaves them exhausted and with a compromised ability to be present and nurtured in a relationship. it’s only by taking the risk of finding out who they really are and letting go of the need to make everyone like them, that they find their way out of the cognitive fixation.

type 2 shadow

because type twos stake their well-being on managing connections with others, they have a lot of blind spots in relationships. it is hard for them to maintain boundaries, to say “no”, and to learn that often it’s best not to volunteer their help. it is hard for them to see that mutual connection is not built out of compulsive giving. at its worst, the type two’s over-giving can feel intrusive and uncalled for. it can be equally burdensome to the type two, even whilst they believe that they are only maintaining the relationship. finally, the type two becomes angry, actively or passively, because their unmet needs conflict with their unconscious, unspoken expectation of reciprocity. this explosion can be a highly irrational, surprising, or manipulative fit of aggression. most of the time the type two is simply unconscious of who they really are, what they really want, and how to express their true self. the effort the false self makes in repressing its own opinions, needs, and preferences in favor of an idealized self is often not in the type two’s awareness, and they may hold the belief that they will be happy when those around them are happy.

another blind spot for the type two is around their self-worth. in believing so much in what they need to do for others, the type two continually feels a sensation of not being good enough or not measuring up. like type ones and type fours, they may then relegate some of their best qualities to the unconscious, believing that they are unlovable and not enough. most type twos have a blind spot around their own authority and power, since so much of this is given to the other in defining the relationship.

SP type 2 ― privilege (countertype)

the SP type two is the “cute” type two, who expresses pride and a need for protection through youthful ways of gaining attention and affection. the unconscious strategy is to gain attention by seducing with cuteness, like a child in the presence of adults. there exists an unconscious need to be taken care of, and a belief that children are inherently deserving of worth and affection and usually more readily liked than adults. the type two remains “little” as a way of evoking care from others without having to ask for it or face the possibility of rejection. the SP type two therefore adopts the stance of a youthful child in order to unconsciously draw on the universal love for children. they want to be loved for “just existing.” the name “privilege” refers to this ideation. “i’m young, and therefore i’m the most important.”

the SP type two does not want to prove their importance. despite wanting the attention, there is no accompanying feeling of having to do something for it. they want to be seen without showing themselves. the SP type two therefore uses charm or gives themselves to others in order to remain the favorite. they excel at being the teacher’s pet.

the SP type two, unlike the other type twos, can express ambivalence about relationship. as much as they move towards the other, there is also a reticence. they are tender and sweet, but more guarded than the other type twos. anxiety and fear may be high yet unconscious and might be experienced by others as a “wall” inside the SP type two. as much as they want to please others in order to win some love back, the SP type two feels a strong pull to draw back in order to remain free of rejection, judgment, or humiliation. at the same time the typical type two traits like self-importance, irresponsibility, humor, playfulness and charm are in the foreground. until they become more self-aware, they remain hypersensitive to slights, criticism or disapproval. they may tantrum and pout, have angry childlike expressions, or manipulate through expressing emotion rather than stepping up and saying what they dislike.

dependency is prominent in the SP type two and usually unconscious. this can manifest as engineering situations where others can take care of them. often yearning to be free, they yoke themselves to others in unhealthy and unconscious ways. although very competent, at a deep level they feel fearful of taking responsibility for themselves. their underlying desire is to be taken care of like a child, and to be excused for their ignorance, innocence, and whimsical feelings. in this way the SP type two can also be very hedonistic, self-indulgent, and abandoned to the moment of partying, shopping, or eating with friends. they may seek to distract themselves from their interior feelings of self-abandonment and deprivation.

SO type 2 ― ambition

the social type two uses their social environment as object of seduction. in contrast with other type twos, they may hold a leadership role, are good in front of groups, and appear powerfully intellectual. pride is felt in being influential and winning over an audience. this is the more adult-presenting type two who typically works at a high level in an organization or as a leader in their field. “ambition” refers to the passion for being in the know, being close to powerful people, and wielding power oneself; a passion to stand above. because of their need for admiration, SO type twos are competitive and may at times be indifferent to, insensitive to, or in denial about the emotions of others. SO type twos are skillful at working behind the scenes within the group in order for the whole to move in a particular direction. although most often unconscious, this subtype has the strongest tendency to use “giving to get” in a strategic way when interacting with others. they can be very supportive of others as a way of ensuring loyalty and reciprocity.

the SO type two is usually more introverted than the other type twos. they can tend towards workaholism and omnipotence. they appear enthusiastic, confident, and even overconfident and manic at times. in their unhealthy form they may be contemptuous towards others, taking a position of power or control in which they do not see that, even though they believe themselves to be helpful, they are actually not being helpful.

SX type 2 ― aggression/seduction

the SX type two is a seducer of particular people. their driving need is to seduce the other in order to get their own needs met. seduction here takes place through attractive presentation as much as expression of feeling. the SX type two is generous, flexible, somewhat wild, and action oriented. they are not afraid to use sexuality as a weapon of conquest. pride is fed through experiencing the other’s passionate attachment. the SX type two transforms their need for love into false needs, whims, and a sense of entitlement to do what they please, when they please, not asking but taking.

SX type twos have a need to be desired which fuels the need to seduce. in this way they are less ashamed of having needs and often have a prideful sense that others will want to meet their needs because they are so appealing, charming, and generous. the “aggressive/seductive” name given to this type, explains this somewhat dangerous “femme fatale” (in both genders) dynamic. the way in which they move towards the other includes an element of aggression (possession). because of the underlying need to get their needs met, it can be hard for the SX type two to accept limits or to take “no” for an answer.

SX type twos justify their actions, words, madness, wildness, invasiveness, and selfishness in the name of “love” and typically have the self-image of “ideal lover.” Naranjo suggests that for this “highly emotional and romantic” character, help means emotional support, and on the whole the personality is better described as a “lover” than a “helper.”

summarized and adapted from Beatrice Chestnut: The Complete Enneagram