generative listening practice

(this practice has been adapted from Kay Lindahl: Practicing the Sacred Art of Listening: A Guide to Enrich your Relationship and Kindle your Spiritual Life)

the practice is best done in an environment where trust and deep sharing has been built. it has the intent of learning how to listen to your heart or your intuition, rather than your mind. in larger group settings, ask people sit in a close circle, even with knees touching.

the facilitator can introduce the practice by saying that it is based on intuitive reflective questions and responses. a reflective question asks for personal reflection. examples include:

what gives you joy?
how do you respond to anger?
what are you afraid of?
where do you turn for support?
how do you nurture your spirit?

anyone can start with any reflective question. as part of the group, when you hear the question, don’t immediately jump in. allow for some time of reflection on the question for everyone (20-30 seconds). if a “listening stick” is used, it is initially held by the facilitator and then handed to the questioner, who again hands it to the responder.

as the person responding to the question, your task is to notice your initial response and then go deeper, almost like you are repeating the question to yourself. trust your intuition and allow what wants to be said to come through. allow for about 10 seconds of checking whether a deeper response comes and then speak. speak slowly and clearly, listen to yourself, and speak until everything has been said. there may be pauses in your speaking, but you will know when there is nothing more to be said.

the rest of the group simply listens. listen for the heart of the person speaking. at times you may find yourself busy with your own personal reflection. you may want to hold the speaker in your heart. you may wish for them to connect with their own inner voice.

when the speaker finishes, close your eyes and allow yourself some time for reflecting on the question that you want to ask next. ask yourself what the next question is that seeks to be asked and simply listen in the stillness of your own interior. “what is the next question that seeks to be asked?”

keep repeating the process until everyone has responded. in finding the question, trust that it will come to you. listen for the question without thinking about who will be responding to it. just ask the question. just as in responding, allow yourself time to find the question and check to see whether there is a deeper question that wants to be asked now. trust the process. even if just a phrase comes to you, turn it into a question, or speak it as a phrase. sometimes, as you open your mouth to say “nothing is coming,” the question appears. allow the wisdom of this group and this moment to dictate.

the last person to speak also generates a question and this is kept as a reflection for everyone, rather than responded to in the group.

facilitator:
think this practice through deeply, so that you are prepared. underneath you’ll see a summary of the roles, which is one way to make the instructions clear. you can also find your own way.

say something about generative listening (“deep listening entails that we listen with the open silence of a prayer, the empathic listening to another’s heart, and the reflection and introspection of listening to ourselves”) or simply say “we are going to do a practice where we are learning to listen to our heart or intuition”.

the process is a repeating cycle that has a (1) reflective question (questioner), (2) a response and a new reflective question (responder). anyone can respond to any question and the following instructions for each role make it clear:

questioner
give yourself time to think of a reflective question that feels appropriate in this moment. if you want to, close your eyes to indicate that you are reflecting on the question. when a question arises, give yourself 10 seconds of waiting and feeling whether a deeper question arises. speak your question clearly and slowly and then simply wait until someone indicates that they want to respond. hand the listening stick to the responder.

responder:
allow yourself time to feel into the question and your response. give at least 20 – 30 seconds to this process and see whether a deeper response arises. when you are ready with what feels like the deepest response, speak it clearly into the group. listen to yourself speaking. allow yourself to finish everything that seeks to be said, even if interspersed with pauses. when done, close your eyes to indicate that you are reflecting on the next question.

listeners:
listen to the question without thinking of who will be responding. allow yourself time to feel deeper into your own and the other’s experience. trust the process. even if just a phrase comes, turn it into a question, or speak it as a phrase. sometimes, as you open your mouth to say “nothing is coming,” the question/response appears. hold the speaker and their emotion in your heart.

last responder:
generate another question, although this question will be held reflectively by everyone, rather than being responded to in the group.

allow some time for people to grasp the process or ask questions. let it all settle before you begin.