Enneagram type 2 — the helper

giver, caretaker, nurturer, advisor

type twos measure their worth by how helpful they are to others. love is their highest ideal. selflessness is their duty. giving to others is their reason for being.

involved, socially aware, and usually extraverted, type twos are the type of people who remember everyone’s birthday and go the extra mile to help out a co-worker, spouse or friend in need.

type twos are warm, emotional people who care a great deal about their personal relationships, devote an enormous amount of energy to them, and who expect to be appreciated for their efforts. they are practical people who thrive in the helping professions and who know how to make a home comfortable and inviting.

helping others makes type twos feel good about themselves; being needed makes them feel important; being selfless makes them feel virtuous. much of a type two’s self-image revolves around these issues, and any threat to that self-image is scarcely tolerated. type twos are thoroughly convinced of their selflessness, and it is true that they are frequently genuinely helpful and concerned about others. it is equally true, however, that type twos require appreciation; they need to be needed. their love is not entirely without ulterior motive.

type twos often develop a sense of entitlement when it comes to the people closest to them. because they have extended themselves for others, they begin to feel that gratitude is owed to them. they can become intrusive and demanding if their often-unacknowledged emotional needs go unmet. they can be bossy and manipulative, feeling entirely justified in being so, because they “have earned the right” and their intentions are good. the darkest side of the type two fixation appears when they begin to feel that they will never receive the love they deserve for all their efforts. under such circumstances, they can become hysterical, irrational, and even abusive.

because type twos are generally helping others meet their needs, they can forget to take care of their own. this can lead to physical burnout, emotional exhaustion, and emotional volatility. type twos need to learn that they can only be of true service to others if they are healthy, balanced and centered in themselves. in less healthy forms the type two can have strong pride due to a sense of their worth.

basic propsition — you gain love and approval, and fulfil your personal needs, through giving to others.

strengths — caring, helpful, relationship-oriented, generous, sensitive to others’ feelings, supportive, and exuberant.

challenges — prideful, dependent on approval of others, intrusive, demanding, privileged.

defense mechanism — reaction formation — suppressing “unacceptable” feelings and converting them into a more acceptable form of emotional energy.

type twos use repression of personal needs and feelings to avoid being needy and to maintain a helpful self-image. their genuine need for connection takes the form of “you need me.” in seeking approval, type twos can miss authentic connection in relationships due to their tendency to “shape-shift” by being overly nice, superficially friendly and flattering. often feeling indispensable, they also may display an attitude of entitlement.

type 2 self-mastery indicators

	what it means	what it looks like in type 2
low self-mastery	primarily reactive low productivity behavior low personality integration deep identification with beliefs	the manipulator master manipulators, using guilt, blame, or shame to control • psychologically despairing • use full force to get what they want, taking no responsibility for own unproductive behavior.
moderate self-mastery	responds mainly from habit some personality integration more flexible to change	the friend central to social groups and have many friends • read people well and interact through flattery, attention giving, doing favors, and other interpersonal behavior that is not completely sincere • emotional, aggressive, and hovering • difficulty saying no • orchestrate interpersonal dynamics indirectly • compassionate, helpful, and offer advice they expect others to follow.
high self-mastery	aware of inner experience responds productively, flexibly high personality integration self-acceptance	the humble one acknowledge their own deep needs and express these directly • give from a place of pure joy without any expectation of getting something in return • warm, gentle, generous, humble, inclusive, and deeply compassionate.

awareness practice

observe your habit of mind or focus of attention — others’ needs, feelings and desires — with as little judgment as possible. ask yourself the following questions, while noticing your feelings and how your body responds:

how has my attention and energy been going to others’ needs?
what do i really want and need? how do i support or nurture myself?
how do i allow others to support me?
in what ways do i feel or act as though i were indispensable/ take pride in being needed?
in what ways do i alter or change myself to fit what others seem to want?
how do i express humility?

type 2 in business

the helpful, interpersonal type. generous, appreciative, people-pleasing, and possessive. type twos are sensitive to the needs of others and seek to be of service. they appreciate the talents of others and act as confidants and guides, good at networking people and services. however, they typically have trouble saying no to requests and tend to become stressed by trying to help others too much. they dislike impersonal rules and work situations and can deteriorate into favoritism and time-wasting personal overinvolvements. at their best, they are empathetic and generous and help build team interpersonal connections.

what they look for	emotional connection, intimacy, warmth, and affection
what gets in the way	insisting on exclusivity and ever more closeness; manipulating by finding out others’ needs and desires and by creating secret dependencies
leadership paradigm	assessment of strengths and weaknesses of team members; motivation and facilitation of people towards achievement of organizational goals
natural qualities as leader	warm, empathetic, dedicated, and knowledgeable, the type two is known for their open-door policy and willingness to work long hours, should it be necessary. they have high expectations of themselves and will be fully familiar with all aspects of their work. they are also supportive of employees at all levels within the organization. they maintain positive relationships, even when employees are in conflict with one another. excellent judges of people, type twos intuitively sense talent in all forms and will be coaching many employees behind the scenes, enabling their career development and improving their relationships with others. they are enjoyable to be with and willing to express their opinions. they may also hold onto those opinions, even when such are contrary to prevailing opinion.
areas for development	their biggest weakness is not giving enough time to themselves and therefore creating burnout for themselves. they may also be tired and tense and their pleasantness turns to irritation and thoughtfulness to anger. in this state of anxiety they may start building emotional walls around themselves, become unavailable, short-tempered and unwilling to listen to other opinions. the person that was relied upon, now becomes one that is avoided. another growth area is the tendency to defend employees they believe to have been mistreated. this defense can be so vehement that the type two loses his or her objectivity, impairing their role as an impartial mediator.

focal points for self-awareness and leadership

ultimate development goal	realizing that we are loved for who we are, not how much we give or do in terms of others’ needs realizing that the needs of all are invariably and ultimately met and that this process does not depend on the insight or help from one or a few
what hinders growth	rationalizing what has to be done for others, before doing anything for myself pride that prevents me from noticing or feeling my own needs feelings of guilt when i pay attention to my own needs difficulty in receiving from others
furthering growth	develop interests and activities that are meaningful to you alone and do them on your own. make time to be alone and bring your attention inside. notice the anxiety and the desire to take your focus outward again. notice your achievements for what they are worth to you rather than to others. consciously do things well for their own sake. notice when your hysteria rises and use it as a cue to ask yourself: “what do i need right now?” how will you provide this to yourself? notice when you flatter others and your tendency to feign helplessness. realize that your dependence on those occasions is manipulative. look into your own emotional reactions and especially your anger. try and find out what your real feelings are. use rising anger or distress as a signal to notice when you are not meeting your own needs. practice setting boundaries by saying “no,” when you feel distressed. learn to enjoy receiving and learn to speak your needs clearly. pay attention to presenting yourself as you are, rather than for the effect that you want to have on another. do not change yourself to please others. maintain clarity about who the real me is. remember that real love is not dependent on you being a certain way. notice when your helpfulness is experienced as intrusion and control.
specific leadership development	learn to say “no” — stay aware of your capacity and time and learn to say “no” to projects or activities that you do not have space for. it is better for the requestor to know that you can’t do something when they make a request, rather than find out later and then need to find other sources, when you’ve become burnt-out, sick, or unable to do the work. help the organization to be less dependent on you — empower others, rather than doing things for them. help them to make their own decisions and learn to think things through, so that they may discover their confidence. bring more objectivity and less emotional reactivity into your leadership — your best decisions for yourself and others do not necessarily come from saying “yes” to those who make you feel important and “no” to those who challenge your ideas. focus more energy on understanding the process behind the people than on the people themselves.

adapted from different sources including Ginger Lapid-Bogda, Don Riso & Russ Hudson