Enneagram-based objects of attention in relationship

now we can take our practice into relationship, and get to know ourselves and others more deeply, whilst becoming more skillful and attentive in our interaction.

begin by paying attention to when you feel fearful or triggered. notice what happens in your thoughts, emotions, and actions. when you have time, reflect on how you can use your motivating values and communicate these to the other, or your team. when mindfulness is stronger, focus on recognizing your habitual “stuckness” and the different forms it may take in your speech, emotion, and behavior. how can you bring your self-management into this situation? and where are you functioning in terms of your integration or maturity?

please remember, we cannot fake this work (it is not simply a language or acting game). the sensitive listener can easily distinguish between what you say about yourself and what your actions say about you. if you simply try to act more mature, the inauthenticity will be visible. it is only when you can feel and embody the state of that more mature role that it will be convincing.

unaware and habitual patterns

fear conflict triggers motivating value
8 being harmed or controlled • being vulnerable injustice • not dealing directly with issues • others not taking responsibility for their own behavior • being blindsided • another’s lack of truthfulness making important things happen • leading decisively • putting capable and reliable people into the right jobs • empowering competent people to take action
9 separation • conflict • being controlled by / having discord with others disruption of peace and harmony • being told what to do • feeling ignored • feeling taken advantage of, or being confronted •feeling unsupported • rudeness in others • overt hostility inclusion and consensus • helping achieve a collective mission by creating a clear, structured, and harmonious working environment
1 being bad • “something is intrinsically wrong with me” being criticized • another's lack of follow-through • another's uncollaboratimove changes to a plan • feeling deceived pursuit of excellence • clear goals • inspiring others to achieve highest quality
2 being unwanted, discarded, or deemed unworthy being taken for granted • feeling unappreciated • not being heard being of service • assessing strengths and weaknesses of team members • motivating and facilitating towards the achievement of organizational goals
3 sense of valuelessness which leads to extreme fear of failure being put in a position of likely failure • not looking good professionally • being blamed for the poor work of others • not receiving credit for own work obtaining results • creating an environment that achieves results because people understand goals and structure
4 being fundamentally defective and disconnected being ignored or slighted • being asked to do something contrary to personal values • events that elicit the type four’s envy pursuit of one’s passion • creating organizations that bring meaning and purpose • deeply motivated by inspiration and excellence
5 being helpless, incapable, depleted, or overwhelmed breaking confidences • being surprised • dishonesty • out-of-control situations • overwhelming tasks importance of objectivity developing effectivity through research • deliberation and planning • systems fitting together and people having a common mission
6 having no support or meaning • not being able to survive pressure • lack of genuineness • lack of commitment • abusive authority insight and planning • developing creative problem-solving environments • solving organizational problems in an inclusive way
7 pain and discomfort • deprivation, limitations to freedom boring and mundane tasks • feeling dismissed or not taken seriously • unjust criticism innovation and flexibility • getting people excited and creating innovative ventures so that the organization can take advantage of new opportunities

moving to awareness

maturity indicators are denoted with color in the table below:

recognizing habitual stuckness self-management points in integration
8 trying to force situations or people and control your life and circumstances am i sharing my feelings of vulnerability and showing my softer side to both myself and others? moving from bully through immovable block and into truth
9 resisting being affected by your experience by focusing only on the good or the positive am i taking a clear stand on issues and expressing my anger directly? moving from sleeper through harmonizer into consciousness
1 value-judging • condemning self and others • right/wrong thinking am i listening with an open mind (nonjudgmentally) and heart (without cynicism)? moving from judge through teacher into serene acceptance
2 giving your value to others with the hope that they will recognize you • doing for others what you need to be doing for yourself am i expressing my own needs directly? moving from manipulator through friend into humility
3 trying to be your ideal self rather than recognizing who you are and being willing to be authentic am i willing to disclose information that may not make me look good? moving from calculator through star and into believing
4 making negative comparisons or seeing only the “difficulty” or lack in people, events, and situations am i displaying my objectivity and emotional balance? moving from defective one through unique one and into appreciation
5 over-interpreting your experience and wanting to know everything before you can act am i expressing my feelings in the moment? moving from fearful strategist through remote expert into integration
6 becoming dependent on something or someone outside you, and having the sense that this will make you whole or safe am i differentiating between my projections and insights? moving from a sense of cowardice through loyalist and into courage
7 anticipating what you are going to do or experience next, and consequently not being fully in the experience of the moment am i willing to deal with and stay focused on painful and difficult issues? moving from frenetic escape artist through stimulator into inspiration